I frequently describe myself as being “a little witchy.” I think this means different things to different people. Often, it’s easier to call myself “new-age agnostic” instead, which I suppose could be interpreted as, “I’m not sure if there’s a God, but I’m going to live like there might be and use Tarot cards to help me figure it out.” Occasionally, I’ve resorted to using the term “Wiccan Lite”—as in, all the crystals, half the rituals—but that just seems to confuse things more.
In the end, I usually revert to my old standby description of myself: I’m just a little witchy.
The journey from atheist to agnostic
For years, I identified as an atheist. Call it a consequence of being the granddaughter of a Pentecostal minister who believed that every word in the Bible was true. I do believe a man named Jesus probably existed, and that many of the teachings in the Bible are valuable. I just don’t believe in the big man in the sky.
Turns out, believing in the sacred feminine all around us and within us was a much easier sell for me. Treating nature as a church and receiving intuitive sermons from nature has become my way of worshipping. I sense something greater than myself that’s worthy of devotion amid the trees, instead of under the roof of a church like so many of my ancestors did.
I like the word “agnostic” because it captures my belief that there is something that exists beyond my five senses that can’t be defined or named, or even have its existence confirmed in any objective way. I’m a big fan of intuited knowledge.
Still, in recent years, I’ve come to believe that identifying as “witchy” is a better fit for me, because it hints at the profound spiritual experiences I’ve had in deep meditative states and the discovery of my own agency in shaping the life I want for myself.
A mature, “witchy” woman
I believe there is a Divine Feminine energy that goes by many names and has been perceived in many forms, and I believe this presence can only be perceived intuitively.
I’ve used the stereotypical tools of a witch—Tarot cards, crystals and candles, to name a few—to help me tap into my own divinity and guide me through the mysteries of life, through all of its dead ends and diversions. This has been especially true when it comes to relationships.
For example, after a very painful breakup, I went about five years without dating. Then, as I approached my 40th birthday, after a prolonged period of soul-searching, I had an epiphany: what I thought I was waiting for (for instance, another monogamous long-term relationship) may never come, and even if it did, it may not be what was meant for me after all.
I evolved from being a woman who was clinging to outdated expectations that were no longer serving her to a self-possessing woman who decided to reinvent herself and walk her own path.
I suddenly became much more aware of what I actually wanted (dating younger men and retaining my independence) and what I didn’t (dating men my age who had children or wanted them). I started self-identifying as a “cougar” and discovered the power that word holds. Claiming that word for myself gave me a sense of power over myself and my life that I’d never felt before.
I no longer approach dating with the rose-tinted glasses I wore in my twenties. I’ve accumulated the scars of a woman who has loved and lost, who has built relationships in the sand only to see them swept out to sea. I’ve adjusted my expectations in order to live for today and take each romantic encounter with a grain of salt.
Now, instead of building more castles in the sand, I’ve been trying to build the foundation for a castle to live in, where guests are welcome but not necessary.
Life has rarely worked out the way I thought it would (when I was a kid, I thought I’d be married by 25), and the things I’ve hoped for have almost never appeared as quickly as I’ve wanted them to, but I do believe that my faith in the Universe—while it may wax and wane—has helped direct my path in a more positive and authentic direction.
I believe that I have influence over my own reality, and I can work to manifest my desires through the power of my focus and intention. The first step is just deciding what I want for myself and then finding the courage to say it out loud or write it down. Actions speak louder than words, but words are very powerful, too. Even magical, you might say.
Discovering the magic of everyday life
Some people read the Bible. Some people pray. Some people use rosary beads. Some people wear a cross around their neck. I read books about Reiki and the chakras. I meditate. I believe in the energy of crystals that can be sensed when you hold them, and I use them accordingly. I wear a pentacle around my neck.
There aren’t villagers with torches and pitchforks chasing witches anymore, but there are conservative Christian relatives and societal misperceptions.
Granted, I don’t wear the pentacle all the time. There aren’t villagers with torches and pitchforks chasing witches anymore, but there are conservative Christian relatives and societal misperceptions.
I hope one day to have the courage to wear it all the time, and just let people cope and label me however they see fit. It’s not that important, though. It’s just a symbol. The real magic is in my intentions and the actions I take to work with the Universe to create the best life I can for myself.
Intentions are the most valuable tool we have. I try to incorporate little actions and routines into my daily life to help me solidify what my intentions are and plant the seeds in my reality that will help me manifest the things I want most.
It’s little things like stirring my coffee clockwise to welcome positive energy into my day and holding a few gemstone bracelets in my hand, one at a time, to see which one “feels right” to wear.
It’s about being a mature witchy woman who is unapologetic about who she is and is living life on her terms.
It’s about living life one magical moment at a time, knowing that the power to shape my future is in my hands.
It’s in yours, too. Believe it, and anything is possible.
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image 1 Javier Rodriguez from Pixabay 2 image by peter_pyw from Pixabay 3 image by Игорь Левченко from Pixabay
