At this time of year, I experience a flood of mixed emotions, and peace of mind is hard to come by. It’s difficult to stay grounded when I’m submerged in a cocktail of both grief and relief about not seeing my family for Christmas (by my choice, not theirs). It’s also difficult to maintain my composure at my retail job amid the onslaught of customers struggling to decide on last-minute gifts.
Personally, I don’t need gifts from anyone at Christmas. The only gift I really need is from myself, and it’s the gift of staying present. I want to be mindful of the times I obsess about the past and worry about the future. It won’t be easy; it never is. However, my mental health will benefit from nothing more than staying mindful. I want to give myself the best chance of achieving that, over the holidays and in the year to come.
Staying present at Christmas and always
Why are the holidays so stressful, even for someone like me who isn’t seeing relatives or planning a feast? For me, it’s partly due to my empathic tendency to absorb the stress of people around me.
I find, though, that the more I can stay present and aware of my surroundings and internal state, the less caught up I get in the energy and emotions of others. After all, as a co-worker recently told me, other people’s stuff is not my stuff. I have enough of my own stuff to deal with without concerning myself with the burdens of others.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the boundary where my “stuff” ends and others’ begin. That’s the beauty of staying present in the present, if you will: I can tune into reality with greater sensitivity, to pick up on clues and cues that provide me answers to some key questions:
- Is this a situation I can control? If so, I can take action to change it, hopefully for the better. If not, I can let it go, thereby relieving myself of unnecessary stress.
- Am I to blame for another person’s emotional state? If not, there’s no reason to beat myself up for not being able to make them feel better. Other people’s feelings are theirs to feel and work through. I can help people, but I can’t change them. Staying present to this reality will stop me from fighting battles I can’t win.
- Is my anxiety about what’s happening now or what I’m afraid will happen in the future? I can control the future no more than I can change the past. All I have to work with is the present, and the best present I can give myself is the peace of mind that results from acknowledging and accepting that.
Staying mindful of my human experience not only provides meaningful answers; it also helps me decide whether or not I’m asking myself the right questions.
My tips for staying present
By far, the best way I have found to bring my awareness back to the present moment is by taking a few deep breaths. It sounds simple, but it’s extremely effective. Becoming mindful of my breath helps me get out of my head and all of the thought loops I get stuck in. Bringing fresh air deep into my lungs refreshes my spirit and sharpens my focus on where I am and what I’m doing.
I want to show up for other people and do my best at any given moment. This requires showing up for myself first. The best way I can do this is by providing my body with the oxygen it needs to function well. Then I can move on to more challenging methods for staying present, the main one of which is meditation.
Meditating for five minutes takes more energy and effort than taking a few mindful breaths. However, the benefit is much greater. I find taking deep breaths brings me back to the present for a pretty fleeting amount of time; meditating usually shifts my perspective in a way that can actually turn my day around.
Perhaps I realize after meditating that the mountains I’m worried about are just molehills. This realization can free up energy to do things that really matter. It all starts with being present enough to see clearly, which isn’t easy when your head is full.
A third method I use to come back to the present in hectic times is gratitude—not for the distant past but for something that’s happened recently or is happening in the moment. It’s always easy to find something to worry about, but being grateful makes the challenges in my present life feel less daunting. If I believe there are beautiful things happening in my life, it’ll occur to me that I need to stay present enough to not let them pass me by.
Committing to staying more present over the holidays and in the year to come will be the gift to myself that keeps giving. It’s a small present I can give myself every day, one mindful moment at a time. I’m worth it.
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image 1: Ray Shrewsberry; image 2: Jill Wellington; image 3: Susan Cipriano
