Frustrated, exhausted, homesick … none of these are feelings one wants to associate with the normally most festive and joyous time of year, a time at which we are now left feeling empty-handed as COVID-19 rages on.
Like so many, I set my eyes on travelling home for Christmas, only to realize that doing so would be neither safe nor stress-free. For most of us, this holiday season is unique, and is sadly not a cause to rejoice.
It would be easy to say that if our emotional well-being takes a hit this month, it is a cost worth paying to stay safe. Yet, we know that mental well-being plays directly into physical health, and we are human. We seek connection and relate to the world through our personally restricted lens.
If we’re lucky, we remain comfortable in our familiar bubble, away from the painful state of the world. But, as we have experienced this year, each of our bubbles are fragile and transparent, with the consequences being inescapable.
While there are great world problems to be solved, ones in dire need of our focus, so too do each of us individually matter. Our feelings of loss, loneliness and depression deserve our attention this holiday season.
When we ourselves feel emotionally well, the impact we stand to make on others and the world becomes far more effortless and effective. It is also worth remembering that we are all worthy of peace of mind, for our own sake alone.
Mixed feelings and hopeful expectations
As an expat who has lived in The Netherlands for more than two years, you could say I am used to the trials of living far-removed from my family and closest friends. During the early months of the pandemic, while others felt the sting of restricted gatherings, I felt well-prepared to continue coping with my relative social isolation.
I had long been practicing the art of substituting meetups for less personal video chats and interrupted Wi-Fi connections. More confronting was the truth I had already learned: who those people were that I could count on to stay in touch, once convenience was gone.
Still, after 10 long months of even further restricted opportunities to socialize and find meaning in living abroad, I too felt the walls closing in. I needed something positive to focus on. Suddenly, the idea of Christmas became a bright light to pursue, a sentimental holiday during the darkest time of year, which in 2020 has felt eerily long.
Well into December, the danger of my seemingly hopeful perspective about the holidays began to reveal itself. It was a cover-up for emotions buried deep inside. It explained why the simplest of infractions—like failing to find the perfect gift, or the post office overcharging me to send my Christmas parcel home—threatened to bring my whole spirit down.
I was putting too much pressure on the remedies I had created. I had carefully planned how to enjoy this unusual holiday season, and in the process, I had ignored my needs and set my expectations too high.
As the month wore on, I realized how little it felt like Christmas was near. I found endless ways to keep busy, as a distraction from myself and the situation we’re all facing. What I really wanted was to slow down, go for a long, crisp walk and watch a favourite holiday movie, but instead, I allowed myself to get lost in shopping online and working longer hours to “earn” my rest.
When I finally turned my attention inward, I realized just how drained my mind and body were. Multiple nights had passed when I lay awake for hours, not knowing why. There was nothing particularly stressful going on with me, personally, or so I thought.
A quick Google search revealed that the symptoms of chronic stress include: irritability, difficulty sleeping, fatigue and the inability to concentrate.
Chronic stress: Slowing down and turning inward
With COVID-19 continuing to affect all of our lives, it is safe to assume that a large number of us are experiencing chronic stress. It may seem as though the pace of life has slowed way down, but a frantic mindset and an emotional resistance to our conditions can play a decisive role in creating stress.
If we continue to allow our minds to race, worry, and deflect from what we need during these challenging times, we risk our quality of life suffering even more.
The holidays offer a vital opportunity to check in on how we are doing. It will be easier than we expect to get swept up into virtual plans, one-on-one distance meetups in place of larger family gatherings and the stress of a different kind of Christmas/holiday.
What we really need right now is to get in tune with ourselves, beneath the façade many of us have crafted to get by. Doing so will help us be emotionally present for our family members and friends, and most importantly, show up for ourselves.
Embracing the holidays as they are
There are so many ways we can slow down and open up to the positive, accepting what is and what is still possible this holiday season, under the layers of restrictions. We can write down the expectations we have developed and become conscious of how we can lessen the burden of fulfilling them.
We can find small and thoughtful ways to show others we care that are not dependent on giving the perfect gift. We can allow ourselves the beauty of a quiet, obligation-free afternoon, snuggling up with a good story and a hot beverage to unwind.
There is no doubt that Christmas will be different this year, and we must come to face our true feelings about that. Once we begin to understand the ongoing psychological effects of 2020 on ourselves, we can move ahead with making the most of what we are privileged to have and enjoy.
It neither serves us to feed our bitter moods or indulge in fantasies about December being the saviour of a lost year. Instead, we can seize what is readily available in front of us, the chance to connect with ourselves and rejuvenate when it matters the most.
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image 1 image by Terri Cnudde from Pixabay 2 image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 3 image by Robert Oertel from Pixabay
