Butterfly

You are the butterfly
That fluttered through my dreams
So many nights ago
Hovering near me for only a second
Before you decided
I was not worthy of your grace
You did not want me
But I wanted you

I stayed up all night
Weaving a net from the daisies I grew
To capture you
I cleared out a jar
To make a room for you
I thought and thought of what to say
When I did find you
A new kind of pressure
As you hadn’t said one word
Yet I was infatuated by you

I went to the forest
I went to the valley
Looking for you
I could not find you
Butterfly, where are you?

I swam to the bottom of the ocean
I breathed in the salt water
I tasted it
I found three mermaids
Who yelled so loud
Their words turned to bubbles
Floating to the top of the sea
Booming like thunder
Consuming me
They were fighting about you
How could it not be?
All about you

I caught a fish right from the ocean
He was shiny and he was golden
He spoke of the mermaids down under the sea
He said they had been asking of me
They were angry at me
“Put me back in the sea!”
he begged of me
“Above the water, I cannot breathe!”
Another one that wanted away from me

The owl won’t stop watching me
Every night his eyes are on me
He will hoot and he will screech
He cannot seem to leave
I think he likes seeing
This part of me

I have searched the loveliest of places
The pretties of spaces
But my eyes were glued to
The thought of you
How could I see
Even one leaf on a tree
One star in the sky
I was lost thinking of your eyes
And how they had yet to consider mine
I spent all my days chasing you
All my nights dreaming of you
When I could have found one to love me too
Oh butterfly
Was it ever you?

To the forest I returned
You did not love me
How dare you
I tore the net I so carefully wove
I threw the jar I had for you
The owl sat there watching me
His eyes stared into me
It was all that I could see

Days have gone by
I still dream of you
Now I dream of losing you
I do not love you
I think I hate you
I went to the forest to see something new
A bunny was caught
In the net that was supposed to be for you
Oh my butterfly
What did I do?

Hers

She took me to the waterfall
And I could see the sunrise
Reflecting in her eyes
When I’m with her I don’t need my SSRIs
This feeling of calm is something new
I swear
I’d believe her if she said
“I made this all for you”

She’s New Year’s Eve
With something up her sleeve
But the very next day
I’m content with everything staying the same
No need for resolutions
No distribution of the perfect illusion
She’s my favourite solution
She’s not a jewellery kind of girl
But I still string pretty words together for her

Umbra

I’m gazing at the sky
In the middle of the night
Not a single star in sight
Could it be the smog?
Or the neon lights
If these signs could talk
Imagine what they’d say
Watching people walk
Conversing all the way
With hope in their voices
And dreams in their eyes
It makes me want to cry
How do they know nothing about life?

Have you ever met someone
Who helps you realize how blessed you are?
Because they help you forget how depressed you are?
When you look in their eyes
You forget the lies your brain tells you
To try and confuse you
Like why they’d ever choose you

It’s been a long time
I’ve been waiting for sanity
But it’s a long line
I still have those initials
Tattooed on my chest

I think about it every time
I have sex
Every time I get dressed
I guess maybe that’s why the stars aren’t here
To remind us that pretty things
Will always disappear

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