[su_panel background=”#d5c38b” color=”#000000″ border=”0px none #ffffff” shadow=”0px 0px 0px #ffffff”]In our weekly Psychological & Spiritual Therapy column, therapist Jack Surguy is offering professional advice to The Mindful Word readers for all those questions and problems you have wanted to discuss with someone qualified and caring.
If you would like Jack to assist you in any areas of your life and relationships, fill out this form. He will respond to your questions through this column, normally published every Tuesday.
QUESTION
After the death of my lovable father, I have psychological depression and negative thoughts about the soul. What is the reason?
Mastanee, 38, Female, India
ANSWER
Hello Mastanee,
Thank you for your question. I’m excited to see that we’re continuing to reach readers across the globe.
If I understand your question correctly, you’re struggling with depression and negative thoughts about the soul, following the death of your father, and you’re wondering what reasons there may be for this.
As I’m sure you’re probably aware, ideas of what occurs after death greatly differ between India and the West. However, I don’t believe this has to be a barrier in our ability to understand and comfort one another, regardless of any identified belief system.
According to a government census, 80.5 percent of the population in India would be considered Hindu, 13.4 percent Muslim, 2.3 percent Christian, 1.9 percent Sikh, 0.8 percent Buddhist and 0.4 percent Jain. Each of these belief systems has detailed information about what supposedly happens after death. No matter what belief system someone may follow (if any), however, intense grief, pain and suffering can be observed in those who’ve lost a loved one.
That day will come when we’ll look into the face of our loved ones for the last time. It’s within times of death and loss that so many experience a crisis in faith. The intensity of the loss we experience may shatter our senses and leave us bewildered, with no discernible direction in which to go.
During these times, the only truth that seems to exist is the yearning within our innermost being just to see our loved one smile one more time, to hold them, to hear their voice and their laugh. We’re crushed by the reality that this will never happen again—at least not in this lifetime.
The depression, sadness and sorrow that people experience during these times are a natural part of the grieving process. Indeed, I’m much more concerned when someone states that they aren’t depressed during these times.
In these circumstances, people often experience intense inner questioning in regard to their beliefs and the nature of the world. The beliefs they may have held since childhood may suddenly be turned upside down, leaving them without any sense of stability.
Yes, at times, negative thoughts may consume us, doubts may hound us and hopelessness may fill us.
What can we possibly do to help ourselves through these dreadful times?
We wait. We wait and we watch. We watch as the sun sets in the evening sky, we watch as the darkness grows around us and the world becomes quiet. Then we wait some more.
When we’ve waited long enough, we see a new light being born upon the horizon. We wait, we watch, and the light grows more and more around us. The sounds of life begin to grow around us as well. The world comes to life all around us.
We watch people vigorously going about their business; we hear horns honking, children laughing and playing, life moving forward. And yet, we still wait, and as we wait, we again see the sun moving closer to the horizon. We watch as the light fades, and we watch as darkness once again surrounds us—but not for long.
Mastanee, grieving and experiencing sadness and having negative thoughts are a part of the package we call life. Wait, and I promise you, you’ll smile again. Laughter will fill you again. The thoughts of your father that may bring pain now will someday bring a smile and a tear to your eye as you think fondly of him.
Continue to move forward with life and you’ll see the light again soon.
