RELATIONSHIP RECONNECT: 3 ways to strengthen connection with your partner

Love partnerships give us the opportunity to become intimate and connected with another human being. The depth of that connection can be profound and bottomless.

Having coached thousands of couples and trained thousands of couples’ counsellors worldwide, I’ve found that there are certain behaviours that effectively strengthen connection between love partners when practiced together, earnestly and with genuine sincerity. 

If you and your partner are in a relationship rut, feel bored with each other, or have lost the passionate spark, the following three activities can strengthen your bond, make you more appreciative of each other and help you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

Stage a conversation that’s focused on the future. But here’s the catch. This isn’t a vague discussion. It has to be a specific talk about 50 things you each want to see in your relationship one year from now. Write all items in the positive. So, “We won’t fight about finances,” becomes “We’ll find solutions to our money issues together.” Do this activity together and don’t stop until you reach 50. This activity is fun, creative, surprising and helps you work together on something that’s of deep importance to both of you.

Couples love to talk about the time when they first met because that’s when you were newly in love, there was still mystery and you shared exciting physical attraction. Talk to your partner about all the things you loved about each other at that time, what you did to show it and how it felt. This will not only remind both of you about the positive elements of your relationship, but will also trigger many of those same emotions. If questions like this come up—”Why don’t we go out with friends/make love/travel, etc. as often anymore?”—agree to have a follow-up talk the next day, but not now. Keep this conversation positive.

For many couples, especially those who have been together a long time, it may have been a while since you exchanged heartfelt compliments. It’s easy to take each other for granted. The problem is, we all need to feel valued, loved, fussed over, and appreciated. Our love partner is the perfect person to give this validation to us. Take turns with your partner sharing qualities you love and appreciate about each other. The rule is that this conversation has to last 10 whole minutes, and it has to be a give-and-take.

Sometimes, it only requires small, mindful interactions to change the way you feel about your love partner. These three behaviors are simple to do, but the effect will be dramatic.

[su_panel background=”#f2f2f2″ color=”#000000″ border=”0px none #ffffff” shadow=”0px 0px 0px #ffffff”]Elliott Connie is a bestselling author, couples’ therapist, and an internationally known speaker and teacher who trains clinicians in Solution Focused Therapy. His newest book is The Solution Focused Marriage (2013). Learn more at www.elliottspeaks.com.