Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts. – Albert Einstein
We are all here on Earth to help others; what on Earth the others are here for I don’t know. – W. H. Auden
It must be around forty, when you’re “over the hill.” I don’t even know what that means and why it’s a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I’m past the hard part and there’s a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned. – Ellen DeGeneres
I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas Edison
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour. – Truman Capote
Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it. – Danny Kaye
If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. – Regina Brett
It doesn’t matter if you have new parts, old parts or spare parts. You can shine no matter what you’re made of. – Bigwell robots
If you love somebody, set them free—it also works equally well if you hate somebody. – Josh Stern
The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. – John E. Southard
Worry is as useless as a handle on a snowball. – Mitzi Chandler
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. – Joe Girard
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. – Unknown
You oughta be thankful. A whole heaping lot. For the people and places. You’re lucky you’re not. – Dr. Seuss
Even if you fall flat on your face, you’re still moving forward. – Victor Kiam
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
Expect problems and eat them for breakfast. – Alfred A. Montapert
You can’t expect to hit the jackpot if you don’t put a few nickels in the machine. – Flip Wilson
I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. – Arthur Conan Doyle
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. – Hillary Clinton
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. – Theodore Roosevelt
We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. – George Bernard Shaw
I don’t think life is to be taken too seriously. Take it too seriously, and it’ll getcha. – Paul Prudhomme
Read more funny quotes in LAUGH A LITTLE: A collection of short funny quotes and jokes>>