Step One: Sink like the lotus
The first step in the Lotus Effect is to sink. This involves sinking into the mud of your life—facing your fears, losses and traumas head-on. Much like I had to spend time in introspection evaluating my hardships, you too must spend time looking back at those pivotal moments in your life to uncover the nuggets of wisdom hidden within. By sinking into your past, you allow yourself to process and understand the experiences that have shaped you.
Spend some dedicated time in self-reflection. This can be done through journaling, meditation, therapy or any other method that resonates with you and promotes your healing.
Instructions for self-reflection
Journaling: Set aside quiet time each day to write about your experiences, emotions and thoughts. Let your writing flow without judgment. Reflect on significant events and explore how they have impacted you.
Meditation: Find a peaceful place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes, take deep breaths and allow your mind to revisit the pivotal moments in your life. Observe your thoughts and feelings without trying to change them. Let the insights come naturally.
Therapy: Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor who can guide you through the process of exploring your past. They can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions and help you find clarity and healing.
Questions for self-reflection
To discover the hidden treasures in your mud, ask yourself these questions:
- What are the most significant challenges and traumas I’ve faced in my life?
- How have these experiences shaped my beliefs, behaviours and attitudes?
- How did I cope with these challenges at the time, and what coping mechanisms have I developed since?
- Are there any recurring themes or patterns in my life that stem from these pivotal moments?
- What unresolved emotions or issues do I need to address to move forward?
- How can I show compassion and forgiveness to myself for the ways I’ve handled past struggles?
By submerging yourself into your past and reflecting on these questions, you can begin to find the wisdom in your woes and use it to propel yourself towards a brighter, more empowered future.
Step Two: Sleep like the lotus
The second step in the Lotus Effect is sleep, which means allowing yourself to rest from the intense self-reflection. Diving into the dark times of our lives isn’t easy. For me, revisiting and writing about the memories of Jason’s and Bryan’s deaths were incredibly challenging. It’s important to give your heart time to recover from the pain that comes from reopening old wounds.
Instructions for rest and recovery
Set boundaries: Limit the time you spend on self-reflection each day to avoid emotional burnout. Designate specific times for reflection and times for rest.
Engage in soothing activities: Participate in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, such as reading, taking baths, listening to calming music or spending time in nature.
Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself during this process. Acknowledge that it’s OK to take breaks and that healing is a journey, not a race.
Connect with loved ones: Spend time with supportive friends and family who can offer comfort and understanding. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide emotional relief.
Promote physical rest: Allow your body to rest by engaging in gentle physical activities like Yoga or stretching. Avoid strenuous activities that may add to your stress.
Prioritize sleep: Ensure you get enough restorative sleep each night. Create a calming bedtime routine to help you unwind and prepare for restful sleep.
Questions for reflection during rest
- How do I feel after revisiting these challenging memories?
- What emotions have surfaced, and how can I acknowledge and accept them?
- What activities help me feel calm and nurtured?
By incorporating rest and recovery into your self-reflection journey, you allow your heart and mind the necessary time to heal. Remember, just as the lotus retreats into the mud to rest each night, you too must take time to rest and rejuvenate.
Step Three: Seek light like the lotus
After spending time reflecting on your hardships and resting from the after-effects of their troubling wake, it’s time to seek the light in your darkness. Don’t expect the wisdom of your woes to just reveal itself to you. Much like the lotus pushing through the mud to reach the rays of the sun, you too must push through your mud to find your light.
Reach for the light as if your life depends on it—because it does. Without uncovering the wisdom from those hardships, you deprive your soul of the nourishment it needs to grow.
Instructions for seeking the light
Set clear intentions: Clearly define what you’re seeking. Whether it’s understanding, healing or growth, be specific about your intentions.
Stay persistent: Like the lotus pushing through the mud, be persistent in your quest for light. Understand that this process takes time and effort.
Look for patterns: As you reflect, identify patterns and recurring themes in your experiences. These can offer valuable insights into your life’s lessons.
Engage in self-discovery practices: Continue journaling, meditating or speaking with a therapist. These practices can help you delve deeper into your experiences and uncover hidden wisdom.
Stay open and receptive: Be open to receiving insights from various sources, including books, conversations and experiences. Wisdom can come from unexpected places.
Cultivate gratitude: Focus on gratitude for the lessons you’ve learned from your hardships. Acknowledging the growth and strength you’ve gained can help shift your perspective.
Questions for seeking wisdom
- What positive outcomes or lessons have emerged from my past hardships?
- What strengths have I developed as a result of overcoming these challenges?
- What opportunities for growth and healing are present in my current struggles?
- How can I use my experiences to help and inspire others?
By actively seeking the light in your darkness, you nurture your soul and promote personal growth. Remember, just as the lotus reaches for the sun, you too must strive to find the wisdom and light in your life’s experiences.
Step Four: Soak up beauty like the lotus
As you rise above the surface of your mud with your perfectly clean, beautiful petals, soak up the beauty of the light. Pat yourself on the back for facing your fears and making self-love a priority. The beauty of understanding the dark times in your life is that you uncover what truly brings you joy.
Like the drops of water on the lotus petals that help it shed mud, drops of joy in your life let you shed darkness and fear. Adding more love and joy will help you thwart any residual or forthcoming pain and sadness. This is the love that nourishes your soul. This is the love that allows you to rise above the mud, open your petals and bask in the beauty of the light.
Ways to add more love, joy and happiness
Practice gratitude: Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you’re grateful for each day. Focusing on the positives can enhance your overall sense of happiness.
Cultivate treasured relationships: Spend quality time with loved ones. Nurture your relationships with family and friends by sharing experiences, expressing appreciation and offering support.
Engage in hobbies: Dedicate time to activities you’re passionate about, whether it’s painting, gardening, reading or playing a musical instrument. Hobbies can bring immense joy and fulfillment.
Prioritize self-care rituals: Incorporate self-care into your daily routine. This can include taking relaxing baths, meditating, exercising or treating yourself to something special.
Volunteer and give back: Helping others can bring a profound sense of joy and purpose. Find opportunities to volunteer in your community or support causes you care about.
Practice mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness and meditation help you stay present and fully experience each moment. This can reduce stress and increase your sense of peace and contentment.
Celebrate achievements: Take time to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Recognizing your progress can boost your self-esteem and motivation.
Use positive affirmations: Positive affirmations reinforce your self-worth and encourage a positive mindset. Repeat them daily to build confidence and inner strength.
Explore nature: Spend time outdoors and connect with nature. Activities like hiking, walking on the beach or simply sitting in a park can rejuvenate your spirit.
Laugh and have fun: Don’t forget to laugh and have fun. Watch a comedy, play games or engage in activities that make you smile and laugh.
Questions for reflection
- What activities bring me the most joy and fulfillment?
- What relationships in my life bring me the most love and happiness?
- What self-care practices can I implement to take better care of myself ?
- How can I spread love and positivity to those around me?
By soaking up the beauty of the light and incorporating more love, joy and happiness into your life, you nourish your soul and maintain a sense of peace and contentment. Like the lotus basking in the sunlight, you too can thrive and flourish above the mud.
Wendy Valentine is the author of Women Waking Up: The Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and Play and host of The Midlife Makeover Show, which is a top-rated podcast for women in
midlife. Wendy helps women kick fear to the curb, reignite their spark and wake up to what’s possible. Learn more at www.WendyValentine.com.
Adapted from Women Waking Up: The Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and
Play. Copyright © 2025 by Wendy Valentine. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.newworldlibrary.com
images: Depositphotos
