Young boy looking at the stars through a telescope

THE ASTRONOMER’S HEART: A story by Tihana Skoric

Last updated: April 1st, 2019

Today is Saturday, and every Saturday I visit Grandpa Michael at his home in the country. He lives about an hour-and-a-half’s drive from us in a little green bungalow. His house sits on a large farm. He used to have more land, but he sold most of it when he retired five years ago. But there’s still a good hectare of land to run around on. I love visiting him because he has a large telescope that he taught me to use during my stay with him last summer. Since that summer I’ve been obsessed with looking into the sky and seeing the world around me come to life at night.

My parents drop me off with my overnight bag that I stuffed full of books on astronomy. I’ve started keeping a log of everything I see through the telescope lens. I mark down every constellation and every known planet I find. It’s an amazing feeling being able to look out into space.

I walk up to his door, but he’s already standing there behind the storm screen waiting for me. He pulls the door open and gives me a big hug. He says that he missed me though I’ve only been gone a week. We both turn and wave my parents away.

My grandfather is the only person who knows about my interest in astronomy. I asked my parents for a telescope for Christmas this year but I didn’t get one. I know they’re very expensive but I really wanted one of my own. When grandpa heard about my disappointment, he promised that he would leave his telescope in my name. It made me feel a little better, but I don’t want to think about losing him.

“So sweetie,” he says as we walk up the stairs to my room “what are we looking for tonight?”

“Aliens!” I retort, knowing this will ignite a boisterous laugh from him. Just as I expected, he starts laughing so uncontrollably that the heavy grey moustache almost falls off his upper lip.

“You know,” he says once he has calmed down, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were the first to discover alien life after all.”

“Do you believe in aliens, grandpa?” This moment of banter has given me the opportunity to ask him a question that I’ve wanted to ask for months. I was always afraid he would scold me for giving it any thought, but I could never be sure.

“Of course there are aliens out there,” he says matter-of-factly. “Why else do you think people have been looking up to the heavens for all of these centuries?” he asks amused.

“I don’t know.” I look away stunned by his acknowledgement.

“People are searching for answers, even you sweetie. Although you might not yet know what you’re looking for, you’ll know when you find it,” he says with a wink. “You have the astronomer’s heart in you, I can tell.” He gives me a delicate smile.

Later that night after I settled in, I came down for dinner. He was setting the table and I could smell the pasta as soon as I entered. He always makes me pasta when I come over. I think that’s because it’s something I really enjoy, but also a part of me thinks it’s the one thing he’s confident he can make right every time.

We both sit down for dinner. I want to ask him more about his earlier comment on aliens, but I don’t really know how to start.

“Grandpa?” I begin…

“Yes?” his tone suggests he knows I was thinking about something that I’m conflicted about.

“I was thinking about what you said earlier… about aliens.”

“What about it, sweetie?” he asks.

“Well, you said people look to the heavens for answers. What answers do you look for?” I ask.

“Well,” he pauses, thinking it over. “I guess I initially started exploring space when I was a young boy because I wanted to learn about the world. And, the most important thing to know about our world is that it’s a little rock in a big universe.” He pauses a moment and continues, “It changes you, when you see how small we all are in the greater scheme of things. Then all the things that bother you seem so insignificant.”

“I don’t know what I’m searching for. I look up and I just see how beautiful it all is,” I say.

“Well, that’s as good of a start as any,” he smiles.

“But grandpa, aren’t you religious?” I ask.

“Of course I am, but those two things are not exclusive,” he replies.

“Aren’t they?” I ask confused.

“Of course not. People often think they have to be, but the truth is that most religions’ origins are premised on their gods arriving from other planets or dimensions,” he said. “But, I am not too concerned about that. As I’ve gotten older, and especially after Grandma May died, I look up with different eyes. I remember what Newton said that, “energy is not lost or destroyed, it is merely transferred from one party to the next.” It helps me deal with her loss, and now when I look up there I see her in all the stars that shine.”

That’s really beautiful grandpa,” I respond, my eyes flooding with tears. I haven’t heard him talk about grandma since her wake three years ago.

“You know, neither science nor religion can explain it all. At some point they run into a wall, but together they can bridge the gap in our knowledge and we could know so much more than we do now.”

When we finish dinner, grandpa goes to read by the fireplace and I clean up the dishes. When I finish, I walk onto the veranda where I begin setting up the telescope. I look up and begin to understand what he means about religion and science. When I look at the stars in the Milky Way, I start to think about Grandma May. I can remember her laugh, and the way she would trim the rose bush with her pink gloves and matching shears. Then I start to think about grandpa too.

I don’t know how much time I have left with him, but one day when he’s gone, and I look up through his telescope, I won’t be able to look in any direction without seeing him. That’s why I have decided that, for tonight, I will skip my stargazing. I want to spend the time with him while he’s here and not have to chase after memories of him in the night sky when he’s gone. The sky after all is not going anywhere any time soon, it can wait.

[su_panel background=”#f2f2f2″ color=”#000000″ border=”0px none #ffffff” shadow=”0px 0px 0px #ffffff”]by Tihana Skoric

Image: Small boy looking through a telescope via Shutterstock