I am walking down a long road. The road is windy, sometimes narrow, and sometimes rocky. I am surrounded by a long river on both sides of the road. If I go to the left, I will fall into the water, if I go to the right, I will fall into the water. The only choice I have is to keep going straight. I look in front of me, and I wonder if I can do this. Can I really travel this road fearlessly? That is what I crave for from the bottom of my heart. To be fearless at every step of the way and look fear in the face and say “Yes I will do it.” But then a voice from within shuts me down. That voice is not a small voice; it is a loud bellowing voice coming from my belly. That’s when I know that I need to start the journey. That voice, although loud, cannot deter me from this journey called life. And that’s what this road is to me—it’s a map of our lives.
We live our lives in phases. There are phases of pure fun, pure joy. There are phases of anxiety and living in the unknown. Then there are phases of deep pain and sadness that it creeps into your heart. But despite it all, we know in the centre of our soul that we must face these phases fully, respectfully and with acceptance. They come to us as our teachers. To tell us how to be. To remind us of whom we are. To help us become stronger. And last but not least to help us learn to be compassionate.
So I sit and stare at this road. I only have myself as this companion and this vastness that lies before me. Do I go or do I retreat. The first inclination is to retreat, but then I look back on all the times that I have regretted retreating. Memory is a wonderful thing. If used appropriately it comes to us at the right moment to gently remind us of our past—and when we’re reminded without judgment, we remember. Remembering the past can help us move forward. And that is exactly what Memory did to me at that moment. I felt my foot take one step forward. I had to stop for a moment and question—did I really do that? And then without any pause, another foot stepped forward. I was ready. I knew I was. I just needed a personal push.
So as I venture on this adventure, I start with excitement, joy and positivity. Some days I just bask in the glory of the beauty of this Earth. Then I become weary, tired and restless. Some days I’m walking effortlessly and lightly without a care in the world. And yet other days I’m walking with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
With each walk, I remind myself that I must do all this with compassion. With each walk, I breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly reminding myself to be aware of my feelings, my thoughts, my purpose. The purpose is not to get to the other side. It is to go on a long walk. I have chosen to go on this path because I want to experience all that life has to give us. I have chosen this walk despite knowing that there will be ups and downs. I have chosen this path because I want to explore this path. I have ceased to keep looking for a goal. I only have intentions. My intentions are that of curiosity, love, freedom and harmony. My intentions are that of understanding myself.
My mind is free. My heart is light and what awaits me is a sunset beyond what I can describe. This has been a long walking path. I must rest and let myself beam in the beauty of this scenery.
Read another personal journey in How I learned to accept change>>
image: Giuseppe Milo (Creative Commons BY)
