“We should just know that we can all create this special, safe place within ourselves that we can feel comfortable in and that doesn’t necessarily have to be with other people.” – Alessia Cara
Our family loves dogs. We have always had dogs, and every time my brother comes to visit my family, he brings at least one huge bag of treats for my canines and he spoils them rotten. But this story is not about one of my dogs.
We walk our dog Lulu twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. This short walk is usually full of drama. We have the strays on the street chasing us, or the neighbour’s dog on the loose. Sometimes, it’s a rat snake that crosses our path, or scorpions (dead or alive) dotting our trail. Each day, a new tale. Yes, I know, a life full of adventure can’t be bad, huh?
The stray dog
I digress, this story is not about Lulu or us. Amid all this drama, there’s one scene that calms me down and takes me by surprise, every single time. There’s this particular stray dog that lives at the end of our lane, one of the rare strays that is unusually calm and avoids drama. Each time he sees us coming down the lane with our dog, he walks quietly to a clearing in the grass, a little distance away.
This clearing is not part of the trail, and would require a human or a dog to jump over a drainage canal. This means that it’s not easy to access, although not impossible for a determined one. Yet, this dog knows that we can’t trouble him in that space. He walks into it with confidence and waits for us to go out of sight, before coming out again. He is truly the champ of claiming his safe space.
I watch this scene twice a day, and I am always moved. We are all allowed to create this space and retreat into it as we please, but more often than not, we choose not to. The safe space can be literal or figurative, but it tends to lose value, the older we grow. We feel guilty about going into this space, and many a time, we have no clue what this space is for us. We feel compelled to contribute to and participate in every drama that merely glances at us. Why is it so hard to choose ourselves?
The mutt in our story does not care what others think of him when he runs off into his space. It’s his own and he is not ashamed of it. It helps him live by his own rules, where there is no drama and no unnecessary confrontations. It gives him time and space to assess, observe and heal. He knows that it’s OK to go into this safe space for a while, when confronted with difficult situations or feelings.
An act of high awareness
This daily incident made me reflect a lot on a safe space: what it means, what value it holds for us personally and where we can find it. For me, it would be a few hours spent reading, watching a TV show or walking. It might be something else for you, and it may change with your circumstances.
I realized the key aspect of a safe space is that it must be easily accessible, like it is for the dog in our story. It should also be a place of power—the dog does not hide from others; he is completely in view. He just removes himself from the situation, while keeping a very watchful eye. He is subtly telling others that he is choosing not to fight.
Going into a safe space need not be a cowardly act. On the contrary, it is extremely empowering, and is the biggest act of self-care that you can reward yourself with.
It’s an act of high awareness and choice. You decide when to go into it, and when to come out. It does not matter if you have been facing the same issue each day, and you go into your safe space every single time. It’s yours, this space, and you need to claim it. It’s here that you truly begin to heal.
It’s important that we remember this when we feel sad or down; when we deal with words and actions that hurt us, behaviour from loved ones or friends that confuse us, or situations that leave us bewildered.
It’s OK to pause. It’s OK to seek refuge, no matter what others think of us. Perhaps tomorrow, you can choose to come out of your space and fight.
Or not.
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image 1 image by Dimitris Vetsikas from Pixabay 2 image by Pexels from Pixabay
