Accountability is a beautiful thing. The gym buddy who’s always psyched for weights at 6 a.m. can passively change your life with their presence, obliging you to keep showing up even when you don’t feel like it. Whether you join a writer’s group or a knitting circle, bringing others into any hobby or skill you’re trying to build is a great way to motivate yourself to stick with it.
This includes meditation, which (if you’re anything like me) you may think of as a solo activity by default. For the first 10 years of on-and-off meditation practice, the idea of joining any sort of group never occurred to me. I never expected that I’d be showing up to Zoom meditation in front of a camera every single day, but here I am, ready to urge you to try it because it may transform your practice.
The benefits of joining a community
Prior to joining a Buddhist community that hosts daily 45-minute meditation sessions over Zoom, I would occasionally meditate for 45 minutes at a time. Sometimes for longer. More often, though, I’d start listening to a 45-minute guided meditation and quit when I felt bored or relaxed at around 25 minutes in. If I had an itch, I’d interrupt my flow to scratch it in an unsightly manner, and if I heard a songbird outside, I’d stand up abruptly to look out the window.
This isn’t the case when I’m meditating in the same room or on camera with others. Although I’m not consciously thinking of the fact that I can be seen by others, as we all have our eyes closed, I’m aware of the presence of the other participants. So I stay seated, observing my urge to stand up or scratch an itch instead of giving into it, for 45 minutes every day.
I stay seated, observing my urge to stand up or scratch an itch instead of giving into it, for 45 minutes every day.
Meditation becomes greatly beneficial to one’s mental stability and peace of mind when it’s practiced daily as a routine, rather than a few times a week or as needed in a more whimsical fashion. Waking up for the 7 a.m. meditation over Zoom literally schedules meditation into my day, when otherwise, it all too easily would fall to the bottom of my priority list. It never really felt like the mysterious “right time” to meditate until I started joining others at the same time every day.
Going from “usually” meditating for about 20 minutes most days to meditating for 45 minutes every day made a huge difference in my ability to concentrate and relax during long periods of meditation. My daily meditation is an anchor in my day, and though I’m not obligated to show up, I do unless I’m sick or sleepless because I want my spiritual mentors in the group to see that I’m meditating. Sometimes I even get to ring my singing bowl to end the meditation for everyone online. It’s quite invigorating.
Before starting to attend these 7 a.m. Zoom meditations, I first joined the Buddhist group that hosts them at one of their in-person (hybrid, with virtual participants) meditation and discussion sessions at 7 p.m. on a Wednesday evening. I enjoyed it, so I also joined their weekly Saturday morning hybrid session in person. At this point, I still considered joining a 7 a.m. Zoom session to be too early, too much, too hard.
Accountability to your Kalyanamittas
Joining a meditation community put the practice at the forefront of my mind as I formed friendships with people who have been practicing for decades, people I hold in high esteem. The Gautama Buddha said that these admirable, spiritual friends, called Kalyanamittas in Pali—who share our aspiration for goodness and peace—are essential for keeping us motivated to stay on the path, even when we become discouraged or distracted.
After seeing the benefits of my friends’ regular meditation practice in their wisdom and calmness, while knowing that I’m prone to neglecting the practice if I’m not held accountable to keeping my bum seated for 45 minutes, I eventually started joining these early morning meditation sessions. Seeing my Kalyanamittas first thing in the morning has been a surprisingly enduring source of heartwarming joy for me.
Find a group that suits you
If you meditate, I strongly recommend that you join a meditation group, whether it’s Buddhist, secular, spiritual or otherwise. Google “meditation groups near me” and find one that suits your preferences, or make your own. Find ways to bring others into your practice in a manner that will motivate you to continue. Get to know your spiritual friends and see where their inspiration leads you. Like the rest of life, meditation is better with the company of good friends.
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image: Jep Gambardella
