How is your year going? If you set a goal for the New Year, how far have you advanced toward it?
Making your New Year’s resolution is easy, but keeping it is another story. According to the large-scale experiment conducted in 2016, only 55 percent of the study participants successfully sustained their New Year’s resolutions a year later. If you have ever set New Year’s goals, chances are, one or more of your goals was quickly abandoned.
Achieving your goal is a journey. It has plenty of ups and downs, and you proceed on a winding path, not a straight track. Your stalled goal invites you to explore your hidden blocks, overcome them and grow. To succeed in achieving your New Year’s resolution, you need to dig deep into yourself when the going gets tough.
3 hidden blocks to success
Unconscious needs
The unconscious influences behaviour. A goal that doesn’t align with your unconscious needs will be hard to achieve. Think about the goal of finally losing five pounds after repeated weight gain and loss. It is a measurable goal with good intention, but it may be elusive until the true reason for weight gain is addressed. Is it due to overeating out of loneliness or anxiety? Is a lack of joy and meaningfulness creating a sedentary lifestyle?
In this example, unconscious needs for connection, ease, joy and meaningfulness lead to overeating and a sedentary lifestyle. There is a hidden payoff when a certain behaviour is repeated, regardless of the effort to change. We won’t stop it until we realize what we gain from it. Does indulging in sweets give warmth and love? Does being inactive feel cozy? Once we identify the payoff for not achieving our goal, we can begin to address our soul’s needs.
Deeply rooted beliefs
We all have beliefs we acquired a long time ago and still hold dear. Some are beneficial; they give us positive energy and help us move forward. On the other hand, others dampen our motivation and get in our way towards fulfillment.
Imagine a person who made a New Year’s resolution to attend a social gathering once a week to meet a potential new boyfriend. If she believes, deep in her heart, that she is not attractive, she may have the unconscious fear of meeting new men and avoid social gatherings altogether.
Our beliefs shape our reality. If we want to change it, we need to recognize our ingrained beliefs and work on them.
Going against the flow
Do you have experience with giving up doing something and trying it again later successfully? Timing is everything. When your endeavour aligns with universal energy, everything goes smoothly. Your sailboat has caught the wind, and it takes you to your destination.
Sailing against the wind is a struggle. You work harder to get going and find yourself staying in the same spot of stagnation.
The philosophy of Tao from ancient China advises us to avoid taking action that does not align with the universal flow. When someone stalls on their goal of studying every weekday, it may be because of a lack of motivation or the wrong timing. Perhaps they have something else they need to focus on, such as taking care of their family or tending to their business.
There is nothing wrong with taking a break when the wind blows against you. You can resume your sailing after the wind has shifted. It is not failure or avoidance, but a harmonious way of living with power beyond your control.
4 ways to discover your blocks
If you stall on your New Year’s goal, don’t throw it away without good reflection. Here are four steps to exploring your hidden blocks to success:
Enter the silence
Create a space where you can sit quietly without any distractions. Turn off your phone, computer, music and any entertainment devices. If you live with your family, let them know that you will not be available until you come out of the room.
Once you set up your space for quiet contemplation, sit with good posture. If you use a chair, make sure the soles of your feet touch the floor. Place your hands on your lap and close your eyes. Begin paying attention to your breath. Notice its quality. Is it shallow or deep, fast or slow, steady or erratic? Your breath will slow down and become deeper once it receives your attention.
When a thought comes to your mind, acknowledge it without judgment and bring your attention back to your breath. Repeat this process until you feel calm and grounded.
Allow yourself to feel emotions
In that place of silence, recite your New Year’s resolution. What feelings come up as you hear the statement? Disappointment or sadness for stumbling on the goal? The excitement and joy you had when you created your goal?
Stay with your emotions without judgment or any effort to change them. Once you let your emotions fully express themselves, bring your attention back to your breath. Stay with your breath until you return to a calm state.
Explore your inner world
Now, ask yourself the following questions:
- What is my payoff for not achieving my goal? Are there any unconscious needs for not keeping my New Year’s resolution?
- Do I have any deep-seated beliefs affecting my motivation? What are they?
- Am I aligned with the universal flow? Is this a good time to work towards my goal?
You might not receive answers to your questions, but it’s OK. Just ask questions without any expectation.
Once you feel you are done with the practice, thank your heart for opening up. Return to your breath and keep your focus there until you are back in the quiet space. Slowly open your eyes.
Record your discovery
Write down what you just observed in your journal or notebook. Do this writing exercise immediately after your exploration. Don’t leave it to a later time; your fresh impressions and realizations may escape you as time goes by.
You don’t need to write complete sentences. Start recording any words (nouns, verbs and adjectives) that come to your mind. Let your heart’s whisper lead you into discovery. You may be surprised to find something significant, or not. Don’t attach to the idea of having a realization. It will come to you sometime, if it is what you need.
Reset your goal
Depending on your discovery (or no discovery), decide what to do with your stalled goal:
If you discovered your hidden block
What can you do to overcome your block? Do you want to work with someone or explore by yourself? Do you want to set a new goal to overcome your hidden block?
If you didn’t identify any hidden block
Do you want to let go of your New Year’s resolution, or reset it in a way that works better for you? We sometimes don’t achieve our goals, not because of a lack of effort, but because of our ineffective goal-setting.
Create a SMART goal
If you decide to reset your New Year’s resolution, make sure it is a SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-based) goal.
Let’s return to the first example of losing five pounds. If the person realizes that the true reason for their weight gain is their sedentary lifestyle caused by boredom, they may want to set a new goal of starting something new and exciting. Good move!
But it is not a SMART goal if it is not specific enough, measurable or time-based. Something like attending group hiking twice a week for the next couple of months hits all the elements of the SMART goal-setting. Reset your goal for the New Year by using the SMART model.
Don’t forget about accountability
Some people are good at keeping themselves accountable, while others struggle. If you are one of the latter, think about what you can do to stay on track. Do you need an accountability buddy? How about creating a progress chart? Find a way that helps you stay on course.
You’ll never fail to achieve your goal until you abandon your journey. Enjoy all the scenery along the way, even rough terrain!
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image 1 S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay 2 image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 3 image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 4 image by Arek Socha from Pixabay
