‘Reading the air’ is a Japanese term that means having sensitivity to the people around you. Japanese people and businesses often complain about those who lack this ability. If someone can’t be considerate, it can make business hard and interactions awkward.
Being aware of other people is a part of mindfulness. One popular interpretation in Buddhism is that interdependence arises from nothingness. This means that if nothing truly exists, then everything is socially dependent. We exist socially. We rely on others and they rely on us.
Kūki yomenai, abbreviated as KY, means that someone cannot read the air. In Japan, not standing up for an elderly person on the train or speaking too loudly can get you labelled as KY. Importantly, it’s not people who are KY, but their actions. We all have KY moments.
Many articles on KY will go into depth on the nuances of Japanese culture. But speaking too loudly isn’t rude only in Japan. ‘Reading the air’ is something we can do around the world. Everywhere, we can have better connections through being considerate, although often, the signs and cues are subtle.
Reading the air—a “vibe”
How is reading the air different than reading the room? Well, they are different metaphors. Reading a room means observing. It is like reading a book, watching for small cues and gestures. But reading the air means feeling the room. It is closer to when people talk of a “vibe” or a “mood.”
Empathy can be emotional or intellectual. With intellectual empathy, we think about what the other person is doing and what they might need. With emotional empathy, we feel the other person directly.
Neither form of empathy is enough. Both are part of one larger process and depend on each other. Intellectual empathy can help us understand people we don’t feel for. Emotional empathy helps us feel whole and truly connected. However, emotional empathy alone can lead to taking on people’s emotions too much, or projecting our feelings onto them.
In my opinion, reading the room requires intellectual empathy, but reading the air requires both intellectual and emotional empathy.
My professor, a kind and curious Japanese-American woman, introduced me to the concept of reading the air. Throughout the semester, I committed to practicing it, trying to really feel the mood of our class. It quickly became a big part of my life, in more than just the classroom. And it is something I still try to master more and more every day.
Tragically, one of our classmates was hit by a car. When my professor came in to tell us, the air was heavy and thick. For a moment, it felt like time had slowed down. It was incredibly shocking and sad. But I remember how my professor reacted. She was so overwhelmed by the mood that she hunched over her desk. Put her hand out to us. She said she might not be able to continue teaching that day’s class.
We all sat silently in the emotion, for what felt like five or ten minutes. We calmed down together. We could all feel it. And then we continued with the lecture. Other professors might have kept a “stiff upper lip,” but this felt more connected to us, as people. Just so everyone knows, the classmate who was hit by a car is doing fine now, happily studying her Ph.D.
Knowing where you are, and being there
Reading the room and reading the air don’t contradict each other. They are two parts of the same process. One is about knowing where you are; the other is about being there. Learning the importance of reading the air has really helped me, so here are some tips on how we can all read the air better and avoid being KY.
Notice the feelings in the air
The mood between people is actually something we can feel. While this may be obvious to some, it might seem ‘out there’ to others. As we become more mindful, we become more attuned to the mood. It is important not to ignore what we are thinking and feeling about a given situation. Rationally, we might think something is “no big deal.” Still, we might be picking up on something.
Relax, it is not all about you
As we become more mindful, we learn to see the big picture. You may feel something in the air, without knowing exactly why it is there. Don’t make assumptions. It is important that we respect ourselves, even when we’re imperfect or when we offended someone. The more we relax, the easier it is to connect with others. Mindfulness helps us calm down and connect, and connecting to others also helps us become more mindful.
Understand yourself and then understand others
Mindfulness can make us more aware of our feelings. It helps us articulate what we are going through to ourselves. Breaking things down to core feelings can relax the mind. When you are trying to be mindful and you keep worrying about something, recognizing that you are agonizing will make it easier to calm down.
Move your attention from yourself to other people. There may be hostility, but if you are mindful, it will be easier to navigate. The same is true with positive feelings. When I am with people I really love, I try to remember how much I care about them, which makes me more appreciative and considerate.
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