The funeral-planning process can feel like a whirlwind—logistically, financially and above all, emotionally. While it can be tempting to bury our heads in the sand until everything is over, looking after your mental health during something as potentially stressful as a funeral is important.
Grief ebbs and flows, and no two people will experience it the same way, nor is there a universal way to behave that will make the funeral process any easier. However, when it comes to looking after your mental health, there are some simple steps you can take to help reduce any additional stress or anxiety that will only make the process more difficult for you and your loved ones.
Cultivate positivity
Staying positive during a time of grief can be one of the hardest things to do, and yet, it can make such a difference to how we experience a funeral.
Far too often, funerals are characterized by some kind of family feud, personal interests or a clash of opinions. Of course, during a time of sadness and stress, it is only natural that tensions will rise, which is why it is even more important to surround yourself with the right people.
Every family may have its own unique drama, but if you feel as though spending time with certain individuals in the lead-up to the funeral is likely to result in arguments or upset, then you should not feel any guilt over putting your personal needs first. After all, funerals are ultimately a time to say goodbye to and remember someone who was collectively loved, as opposed to being about individual vendettas and family problems that can be resolved at a later date.
But creating a positive environment is about more than just avoiding certain people for as long as possible. Grief is natural, and sadness is a healthy response to losing someone you love. As difficult as it may be, the loss of someone close to you can also provide you with the opportunity to support other loved ones, foster stronger relationships with your friends and family, and above all, share in collective remembrance.
Funerals, on the whole, are not seen as a positive experience in the Western world. But attempting to take each funeral as an opportunity to celebrate life, rather than focus on something that has been lost, can pave the way for an all-around healthier experience.
Accept the sadness
While we can take inspiration from other cultures and the way in which they celebrate their dead, there will be times when you may feel unbearably sad after you’ve lost a loved one.
Accepting the negative emotions, along with the positive ones, is all part of the grieving process—bottling them up, while it may seem productive in the short term, will only lead to stress and even emotional outbursts when you least expect or need them.
Perhaps not everyone in your life will be grieving like you, or even if they are, they may not be grieving as deeply as you. That’s why creating a positive environment is so important, so that when the time comes for you to feel sad, depressed or angry, you have people to turn to that are willing to listen.
If those closest to you have also been deeply affected by the same loss, then the likelihood is that they will understand if you are having negative thoughts and feelings. Being honest with yourself and your feelings will not only benefit your own mental health, but it can even set a good example for those around you (particularly children) and encourage a more open atmosphere.
Work it out
Depending on your personality, grieving at work could be the most difficult part of the funeral planning process.
While some might find that they mentally thrive under regular distractions and tasks that are unrelated to funeral planning, others may find concentration and productivity impossible. That, of course, is saying nothing about your emotional state, especially if you are required to deal with customers on a regular basis.
If there is ever a time to be honest with yourself and your limits during the funeral-planning process, it is about whether you are fit to come to work or not. If your work situation allows you to take compassionate leave, then you should not feel guilty about taking advantage of this in order to benefit your mental health.
Of course, not everyone will be in a position to take time off work, whether that’s for for mental health reasons or otherwise. For example, individuals working shifts, or those who have jobs that are paid by the hour, may have to use part of their annual holiday allowance just to attend the funeral itself—without even taking into account the time they’ll need to mentally prepare.
In these situations, organizing a meeting with your boss, manager or Human Resources manager is vital, so you can at least inform them of any changes you might need to make while you are going through this. Most people will be happy to make reasonable adjustments for their staff members, if it is within their power, especially if this means you will be better equipped to do your job.
Some people may need or wish to be transferred to a different part of their work environment, if they feel they are not able to cope in their current position. For instance, they may ask for new responsibilities that do not focus on customer service.
Asking for help or adjustments in the workplace should not be attached to any feelings of guilt; these are positive steps in ensuring that both you and the people you work with are prepared for your capabilities and behaviours while you are sharing a work environment.
Help is on hand
The workplace is not the only place where you might want or need to ask for a helping hand in order to get through the funeral-planning process. If you are the one tasked with planning a funeral, it’s likely that you are old enough to have plenty of other responsibilities to take care of.
Many people who are in charge of the funeral process will likely have children to care for, or even if they don’t, other factors such as pets, bills or even houseplants can create a slowly growing mountain of stress that will not be helpful during a time like this.
Reaching out to friends and family to ask for help with taking care of children or pets, even if it’s just for a day or two, may give you the breathing space you need to not only come to terms with your grief, but also take the first steps towards any necessary funeral preparations.
Looking after your mental health can sometimes be a struggle, even if you aren’t already dealing with a stressful or upsetting situation. Once the added pressure of organizing a funeral is brought into your life, it can take a real toll on your mind, if you’re not prepared.
The key is to listen to yourself and be honest about what your limits are. After all, if you’re not in the right headspace during the funeral, it’s unlikely that you’ll feel ready to return to any semblance of ‘normality’ once everything is over. Just as preparation is important when it comes to the practicalities of organizing a funeral, so are the mental preparations that come with the event.
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