The Threshold of Acceptance
something deep within yearns …
thirsts for more
a longing, markedly hazy
but with these eyes I see it
what my innermost mutineer desires
vast and exposed and utterly free
no contiguous haze
I want it
every cell in my body wants to hold it
call it my own
an expedition bursting with transfixing vibrations
an expedition that is my life
I see and marvel at others pursuing what gives lift to their spirit
I become increasingly inquisitive
my brain is at capacity but there’s a long line of thoughts
anticipating the moment they’ll pass through the door
waiting their chance to throw me their pitch
perhaps arouse action
tolerantly they wait my time and consideration …
their opportunity to be something ruminated about
each thinking they’re the one
the one that will prompt the move
the one that will activate the adventure
the one that will send me on the elating voyage I inherently crave
and I just as eager to discover the thought which makes it all make sense
a thought that triggers the release of all that does not serve me
a thought that finds clarity in a sea of confusion,
that gives me the courage to dive into uncharted waters
previously patient there is now restlessness
I feel ready
to taste spontaneity
and relish it
I feel ready to cross the threshold of acceptance
this is what my soul needs
to abandon all that does not move with me.
gone are the days of being perched
of comfortably sitting on a branch observing the world around me
there is no that
there is only this
this need to experience the awes of living
I know little
but I know that I am dying
and with death the prospect of truly living dissolves
I replace the fear of death with the fear of a life lacking in dynamism.
I usher in the thoughts
fill my mind with ideas, visions and dreams
place by my side the most trusted of sidekicks
and crown my curiosity for the unknown as my partner in crime
confidently I address the wild and sometimes illogical ambitions of my deepest self
affirm the potential of the world
… and of my life
There is the Wind
The morning is dull.
Grey clouds envelop the sky
the temperature of night succeeded in creating dew.
and so, it is damp.
the soil, the leaves, the pavement
Unaccustomed to the happenings of autumn,
one may think it had rained during the night …
a rain that did not cross the threshold of wakening
a soft rain
an unconcerning rain
a rain that encourages sleep.
there is no storm to fear
yet the sun is unable to penetrate the grey blanket of clouds
there is a lack of vibrancy
it creates a restless stillness within
there is the wind
a gentle sweeping of the last leaves on the birch branches.
a caress of the water’s surface
a subtle gust
just enough to lift the grass unanchored by the wet
the moment warrants hope
Active is nature
never standing still.
Active yet accepting
of what was
what will be
I want you to know what pain feels like.
Pain that makes your heart throb
that breaks you down into a million pieces
I want you to know what it feels like to be utterly uncomfortable
to be distraught
I want you to know the day after the pain
the day when you fear experiencing the pain again
I want the pain to taunt you and threaten you
I want you to know how it feels to hurt.
The side of me containing just an ounce of wisdom wants you—
the elusive, naïve side of me,
to know pain.
And I want it to know pain because the other side,
the side containing just an ounce of wisdom
only exists because
pain broke down my door
with relentless force.
a message in a bottle
delivered to those who wait,
and are open to contemplation.
the energy of the ocean
bringing the bottle closer to
those on the shoreline.
Trusting in the struggle
the only way to see the message
and the message a seed for growth
Planted by the self.
Watered by the self.
Nurtured by the self.
If the desire to learn is present
this tiny seed will grow
into an infinite array of floras.
dirt and muck and grime
cultivate beauty for those who desire
to see it
to know it
Pain and wisdom no longer opposites
through admiration, respect, reverence
giving each other tough love
I want you to know what pain feels like
because pain—suffering—instills fear
and from fear we move …
move from where we were before.
She walks in introspection
real as any human.
mind racing with thoughts dabbed in truth
a windshield in intense downpour
Helpless to create conscious clarity
as the car to wipe the windshield without wipers
glass bombarded by hundreds of thousands of water droplets
smothering its surface
coating the vastness of its being with a shell
A moving shell, manipulative, alive
intending to protect
not realizing that she can protect herself
The car travels many roads.
the rain follows
water droplets pre-destined to hit the windshield
are thoughts pre-destined to inhabit her mind?
is she pre-destined to wander congested streets
unable to interact
unable to give or receive love
in this ruined state, can she feel?
does she realize she possesses the potential to experience warmth, enlightenment?
Yes, she feels
standing in the pouring rain
every drop invoking a thought
eliciting a feeling
Trust the seepages of truth that breach her blurred mind.
that the wipers will remove the shell.
and letting go of protection—
seek to live openly.