Woman sitting on a chair with the word 'victim' on the back written in Tagalog

QUESTIONING RAPE CULTURE: Why are we, as a society, so obsessed with victimization?

Last updated: April 9th, 2019

I’d like to suggest a mindfulness practice for you to use as you read. The topic is a rather controversial issue right now.

While reading the information, try to be aware of your response to it. If you find some of it difficult to believe, ask yourself why that is. If you find yourself getting upset or frustrated, explore that and find out where that may be coming from.

Mindfulness practice is about challenging our assumptions and beliefs. Mindfulness doesn’t mean conformity or agreement, but it does entail us being aware of the reasons and motivations for our beliefs.

Why is society so obsessed with victimization?


T his may seem like a strange question. Who would want to be a victim of something? Nevertheless, there’s an increasing classification of victimhood in our society, which seems to be obsessed with victims. From books, to movies, to television shows, to organizations, we see the stories of those who’ve been victimized all around us.

Before I explore this phenomenon a little more closely, I’d like to make a clarification. In dealing with the issues that’ll be covered, it must be understood that researchers and clinicians have essentially two different modes of thinking when processing information.

First, as researchers, we must approach the data and issues in an unbiased, rational manner that essentially separates facts from feelings. It doesn’t matter how the results of a study make me feel; the only thing that should matter is if the results are accurate.

Second, as a clinician, when I’m working with clients, facts are often not the central focus in therapy.

Let me explain. While working with a recent adolescent client, he claimed that he’d witnessed someone executed right in front of him, over drugs. This client claimed that he was in a person’s home when two individuals clothed all in black, with their faces covered, forced their way into the home while armed with shotguns.

The client stated that after the person refused to say where the drugs were, he was shot, point blank, with a shotgun. He stated that the men then went right to where the drugs were hidden, took them and then left the house with him still standing by a couch.

This would, of course, be a very traumatizing event to witness. However, as this person began to detail the events of that evening, some things started to jump out at me that just didn’t sound right.

I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, of course, because people do process trauma differently. Yet, after a couple more sessions with this client, I was growing more and more suspicious of the validity of his story.

Now, there was no doubt that this young person was suffering. He was referred to a residential treatment facility by the court and was being held in a locked/secure building.

This type of treatment centre is secured almost like a detention centre or jail. While there are no bars, the residents are assigned to locked living quarters and their rooms are locked at night. To enter or exit the building, someone must pass through two sets of locked doors that are remotely controlled and monitored via video camera. This young person strongly disliked being held at the treatment centre.

Sad teenage boy on couch - Questioning rape culture

Why would he make up such a story?


I n this type of situation, to focus on the facts or reality of the story is to miss the point. Instead, I see the story being provided as an indicator of the degree of stress, pain or suffering that the person is going through internally. The closest scenario the client could imagine, that accurately reflected how he was feeling, was one that involved watching someone being shot.

I decided to stop focusing on the reported event and instead, focus on the relationship disruptions within his family. After some time and after finally developing a good therapeutic relationship with the client, he disclosed the fact that he’d been sexually molested as a young child. The way he responded in sessions when discussing these events was much more closely aligned with how people generally respond to trauma.

One day, in session, the client wanted to share a song with me that meant a great deal to him. While listening to the song, I found it interesting that one part spoke about the pain and suffering experienced when someone watches their friend being shot and killed in front of them. The song spoke about the feelings of helplessness, fear and anger often experienced in this sort of situation.

I knew, then, where the story of watching someone being shot and killed came from. The client strongly identified with the feelings of helplessness, fear and anger sung about in the song. Yet, his shame in being molested prevented him from being able to openly discuss what happened to him. As such, if I’d focused on whether his story of watching someone being killed was factually accurate, he would’ve shut down and we would’ve missed the chance to help him finally disclose what truly had happened to him.

Sometimes facts aren’t the most important thing


T here’s a specific reason why I made the clarifications above. On numerous occasions, when I’ve been engaged in discussions that focused on facts, not feelings, someone has become outraged, stated that they’ve experienced the issue being discussed, and then proceeded to respond from a perspective of emotion and personal experience.

So let me please clarify that the following discussion is focused on statistics and evidence, and not on personal experience or all the issues related to personal experience.

Here, I’ll speak to evidence and facts, which don’t involve feelings. In session, I’ll speak about feelings and if needed, ignore facts.

Statistics and evidence


O n March 27, 2017, USA Today College ran a story entitled, “Alarming UT-Austin report: 15% of female undergrads say they’ve been raped.” In the article, author Brianna Stone states:

[su_quote style=”flat-light”]The report showed that 15 percent of undergraduate women at UT-Austin reported that they had been raped while attending the university. For a campus of more than 50,000 people, that would mean thousands of women were reportedly raped during their undergraduate years.[/su_quote]

The article includes a statement made by UT-Austin President Greg Fenves in response to the survey findings. Fenves said,“No voice is too quiet to listen to. No story of abuse is too minor to ignore. No truth is too uncomfortable to face. We support you.” The article in USA Today College is, essentially, about rape culture.

What is rape culture, and are we living in it?


T ime discussed this issue in an article entitled, “Rape Culture Is Real.” In the article, author Zerlina Maxwell defines rape culture as, “a culture in which sexual violence is the norm and victims are blamed for their own assaults.”

The article then cites the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), which states that “97 percent of rapists never spend a single day in jail for their crimes.” These statistics are horrifying—if they’re indeed accurate.

Remember that the focus, and the only focus, of those in research is to determine if the results are accurate—regardless of how offended we may be or how we feel about the results and the subject matter.

How accurate is the information we’re being fed?


[su_pullquote align=”right”]Who, exactly, among busy college students, would have the interest and willingness to set aside enough time to go online and complete the survey?[/su_pullquote]

T o begin, let’s review the survey study that was completed at UT-Austin.

Remember, the report stated that 15 percent of undergraduate women reported that they’d been raped while attending the university. In the article, Stone reports that 45,000 students were invited to participate, yet only 7,700 students actually filled out the online questionnaire. In other words, only 17 percent of the student population completed the survey.

The first question to ask is whether 17 percent is a sufficient amount of participants by which to generalize the entire student population. Another important question is who, exactly, among busy college students, would have the interest and willingness to set aside enough time to go online and complete the survey?

According to research, individuals who have prior experience in a certain area are more likely to complete a survey on that subject. In other words, those with a history of sexual assault/rape are more likely to take the time to complete surveys on it than those who’ve never had such experiences.

This makes sense and can be seen in other areas as well. Parents who lose a child to drunk driving may become very impassioned and seek to help improve the laws against drunk drivers. A person who loses someone they love to suicide may become very involved in spreading awareness about it. A person who has experienced sexual assault/rape will likely try to help educate others and contribute towards efforts to prevent such crimes. In fact, this has been demonstrated to occur.

Defining rape


A n article in Independent Women’s Forum (IWF) reported that a significant number of survey participants had experiences of sexual assault/rape prior to entering college. As such, the group of participants answering the questions weren’t an accurate representation of the general population.

In the study, rape was defined as, “having oral sex with someone, making someone perform oral sex, or penetrating someone’s vagina or anus with penis, fingers or other objects without their consent, by use of verbal pressure, taking advantage of them when they’re incapacitated, threatening to harm or using force.”

There are two very important things to consider when examining this definition of rape. First, what does “verbal pressure” mean and second, what does “incapacitated” mean?

An example of verbal pressure was given within the survey when participants were asked if a perpetrator had ever pressured them into oral sex, after they said they didn’t want to have it, by threatening to end the relationship.

In other words, if someone threatened to end the relationship if they didn’t receive oral sex, it was considered rape. No force, no threat of force and no threat of harm were required for this to be considered rape.

Now, I’d never classify a man or woman as a rapist if they told their partner they were ending the relationship if they didn’t receive oral sex. I’d question their character and would strongly suggest that the relationship be ended and ended quickly—but to call them a rapist?

What does “incapacitated” mean?


I n the study, the survey asked respondents if they ever engaged in unwanted sexual touching while “impaired” or otherwise incapacitated. This is a very important component to consider.

According to the study, drugs and alcohol were a major contributing factor. Nearly seven in 10 victims (or 70 percent of victims) of unwanted sexual contact—and 84 percent of their perpetrators—were under the influence of either alcohol or drugs at the time of victimization.

[su_pullquote align=”right”]If a student tried to kiss another student and the person “froze” while being kissed, the person who kissed them is guilty of sexual assault.[/su_pullquote]


According to the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, a person is a victim of sexual assault and/or rape and can’t be blamed even if they:

  • had too much to drink
  • used drugs
  • froze in response to what was happening
  • didn’t fight back
  • have little or no memory of what happened
  • have had sex with this individual or someone else before
  • said “yes” to one type of sexual intimacy but not to what happened

According to these standards, then, if a student tried to kiss another student and the person “froze” while being kissed, the person who kissed them would be guilty of sexual assault. Perhaps most troubling is that someone can have little or no memory of what happened and yet the other person may be considered guilty of rape or sexual assault.

For example, if a male and female student go out and consume large amounts of alcohol, resulting in both being highly intoxicated, and both individuals willingly and with full consent engage in kissing, touching or sex, either is in danger of having possibly committed sexual assault or even rape.

Silhouette of young couple kissing - Questioning rape cultureAll it’d take for such a charge is for one of them to claim that they don’t remember giving consent—even if they actually did. Though this situation is vastly different from the person who intends to get another person so intoxicated that they’re no longer capable of giving consent, both may now be considered rapists and may be sentenced to jail.

Another factor to consider is that around 32 percent of the participants stated that they’d never reported their sexual assault and/or rape. A woman not reporting rape is, unfortunately, a common occurrence. However, the reason given by the participants differed from most women’s reasons for not reporting. According to the survey, most participants didn’t feel it was serious enough to report.

This answer is far from the typical answers that range from fear of not being believed to fear of retaliation.

Problematic survey


O verall, the survey conducted at UT- Austin is considered very problematic. In fact, even the authors of the survey stated that they didn’t believe the cases of sexual assault and rape on campus are as high in number as what their survey suggests. In an article by Ashe Schow, he states the following:

[su_quote style=”flat-light”]…the actual victim rate is much, much lower than surveys and the media would have you believe, and begs the question: Why do researchers and the media so badly want women to feel like victims? Isn’t being the victim of a sexual assault one of the worst things a person can be? Why would anyone wish that on another person? Unless, of course, the narrative matters more than actual people.[/su_quote]

The findings of these surveys suggesting that a rape epidemic is occurring in our nation aren’t new. In fact, in Who Stole Feminism: How Women Have Betrayed Women (1994), Christina Hoff Sommers wrote:

[su_quote style=”flat-light”]“One in four” has since become the official figure on women’s rape victimization cited in women’s studies departments, rape crisis centers, women’s magazines, and on protest buttons and posters … it is the primary reason for the Title IV, “Safe Campuses for Women” provision of the Violence Against Women Act of 1993, which provides twenty million dollars to combat rape on college campuses.[/su_quote]

That was almost 30 years ago!


H ave there really been no advances in gender equality over the last 30 years? Have colleges truly been battling a rape epidemic and culture for all those years, and we’re just now starting to hear about it? If these organizations have made no improvements over the last 30 years, what has changed that’ll now make their efforts effective?

Again, why are we so obsessed with victimization?


A ccording to psychologist Dr. David J Ley, Ph.D., there are actually some benefits to victimization. He states, “In our culture of victimhood, victims can be excused for victimizing others, taking away the rights, freedoms and autonomy of others, in service to their victimization.”

Unfortunately, I see this happening on a daily basis in my line of work. Young people and adults alike are “triggered” by something and that somehow excuses their antisocial behaviour.

In fact, just this past week, one client at the treatment centre struck another client because he stole the basketball during a game. The client who attacked the other resident told me that the ball hit him when it was knocked away, and this triggered his memories of being abused, so it wasn’t his fault that he became aggressive and punched the other resident.

Unfortunately for him, I’ve become accustomed to such responses. Instead of just calling him out on being triggered, I instead stated that basketball must be unsafe for him at this time, especially since he can’t control his aggression, so perhaps we needed to stop playing any basketball games for a while. He wasn’t very happy with that response.

False allegations


A very frequently cited statistic states that only 2 to 8 percent of all rape allegations are determined to be false. At face value, this statistic seems to imply that of all the rape allegations reported, at least 90 percent are true.

[su_pullquote align=”right”]If someone is always rewarded with what they want when engaging in extremely unhealthy behaviour, it’s very difficult to get them to see the need to change that behaviour.[/su_pullquote]

However, what it actually means is that 2 to 8 percent of allegations are proven false with evidence demonstrating them to be false. Such evidence may consist of proof that the person was out of the area at the time of the reported rape, proof that the person was at work or some other means to prove the person was in a different location. In other cases, it may be decided that the evidence for the allegation isn’t strong enough, so the case isn’t picked up by the prosecutor. These incidents aren’t included in the 2 to 8 percent statistic, though.

I do unfortunately believe that many false allegations are made for a variety of reasons. In my line of work, reports of sexual allegations can be rampant at times. In fact, in working with Child Protective Services or the Department of Children’s Services, I know that allegations of sexual abuse are made on a daily basis throughout the nation. The vast majority of these allegations will be declared unsubstantiated and won’t require further investigation. These reports of rape aren’t included in the crime statistics frequently cited by researchers.

Nevertheless, many children and adolescents within the foster care system and residential treatment care system have learned that if they want to be moved to another home, or get a staff member who is holding them accountable for their behaviour to leave them alone, all they have to do is make allegations of sexual molestation against that person and changes will be made. I’ve seen this happen many, many times in the years I’ve worked in treatment facilities.

I’ve worked with individuals who openly admit they made false allegations in order to be moved to another foster home or unit. The client gets what they want and the victim faces an investigation of sexual assault or rape.

Even more concerning, these clients are rarely, if ever, held accountable for their false accusations that have devastated people’s lives. The courts view them as sick and/or unhealthy, needing treatment more than criminal charges. In a sense, this is very true. However, if someone is always rewarded with what they want when engaging in extremely unhealthy behaviour, it’s very difficult to get them to see the need to change that behaviour.

How is mindfulness related to these issues?


F or me, mindfulness includes seeing reality in the most accurate, realistic manner that we can. Mindfulness is about identifying falsehood and seeing the deceptions that we tell others and ourselves.

Woman sitting "mindfully" on rock looking out at city below - Questioning rape culture

To be mindful means to see clearly and compassionately. Even in the times of the Buddha, who really developed the form of mindfulness many practice today, practitioners were strongly encouraged to be aware of the messages they were accepting without question on a daily basis.

How would your perspective on the world change if you started questioning things? Perhaps you’re the type of person who tries to block many things from society and the world out, because they overwhelm you. Is mindfulness practice about blocking things out so you can remain happy and ignorant? No. However, mindfulness practice isn’t about taking in only negative, harmful information, either.

We must always seek a balance. Mindfulness is about being aware of what’s happening and at the same time bringing a perspective of mindful awareness to the fear, pain or frustration we may experience out in the world.


image 1: Victim by Mary Grace Cabiling via Flickr (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0); image 2: Pixabay; image 3: Pexels; image 4: Pexels
  1. Very well written. I like how you handle this sensitive topic by asking the reader to be mindful of their reactions.

    That’s one of the biggest problems with consuming media. Anyone can throw up any “fact” that causes an emotional reaction in people… but if those facts are questionable as in the cases you pointed out it has such a negative effect because people believe questionable facts and get so emotionally invested in them that they would rather defend these questionable facts than ascertain the truth.

    What that leads to is a devolution of society which we now currently find ourselves. To put the word “rape” beside the word “culture” is a complete insult to the vast majority of men who are non-rapists because to say something is a culture normalizes it and groups us all into the same boat, trying to make us all feel guilty.

    By using harmful terminology like this we just divide ourselves further and sow more unhappiness and distrust among everyone.

  2. I had such high hopes for this article.
    Not quite sure how you can claim to be “questioning rape culture” and the “obsession with victimisation” when you don’t properly explore these. You have analysed a couple of studies/reports on sexual assault/rape and a couple of personal observations, but that is not the same as analysing rape culture or any supposed obsession with victimisation that is inbred in society. Rape culture is less about every man assaulting every woman and is more about how the conscious, subconscious and unconscious messages in society make it possible to commit such acts and get away with it. If you were going to unpick this, not only would the title be more appropriate, the article would feel more complete and comprehensive. I do actually agree that being a victim and focusing on how people have done us wrong is an unhealthy shared state of mind. It would have been interesting to see you unpick this a bit more as your exploration of it is actually very lacking – especially considering the chosen title for your article.

    I also call into question some of your claims in your analysis of the studies/reports. With the article in the Internation Women’s Forum, one of your criticisms was how absurd it is to charge people of sexual offences based on the definitions used by the authors of the study. This argument has a big flaw as legal definitions are different to the ones used in the study – they are not only narrower, but clearer and better defined. You paid no mind to the difference in legal definition of sexual assault or rape when writing this analysis. In fact, it seems that you didn’t even consider that there may be a difference in definition at all.

    For someone who wishes us (the readership) to approach with a mindful attitude, it seems that you have not approached the topic mindfully. Your research on the legal process has been lacking. There are legal tests done to ensure that cases go to court when there is both a strong likelihood of securing a conviction and it is in the public interest to take it to court. This is not a judgement on whether the crime was genuinely committed by Person A, this is a judgement on whether Person A is likely to be convicted. To infer that Person A is innocent and the case against them was false simply because a case didn’t go to trial is faulty logic. It is dangerous to spread this mentality.

    I wish you had fully and appropriately engaged the topic of rape culture and victimisation. The psychological need to hide behind one’s perceived victimhood has potential to be a very interesting topic of exploration. This would have been a much better article. And a more appropriate fit with the title.

  3. I agree wholeheartedly with the above comment/ i feel strongly about this and apologies for typos and strange grammar as I type on an iPhone!
    I also had high hopes for this article as I agree a mindful approach to what we mean by rape culture implies a wider consideration of the situation. The point you make at the beginning of the article is that the presenting complaint is not always what is going on and listening for other forms of trauma could be applied to the studies you cite. If so many people (women?) are “claiming” rape, why is this? It may be that they do not feel safe, are subjected to images, attitudes and interactions that sexualise and intimidate. Don’t feel safe if walking alone, have to consider clothing, eye contact etc etc. If something “goes wrong” i.e. they are in fact raped or sexually assaulted, it is somehow their fault, wrong clothes, wrong behaviour, alone in the wrong area etc. In response to the first comment I feel a mindful approach moves beyond seeing this as simply gender politics, and that lots of men are fine- that is not the point/ the culture is more pervasive and bodies (female and male) are seen as objects to be consumed by others. Actual acts of sexual violence are a symptom and sign of the pervasive cultural mores.
    Continuing to blame victims for being victims – whatever the definition you choose, hardly moves the debate on and prevents more challenging and robust debate about how we change our culture and move away from victim hood. Mindfulness with a more embodied, compassionate approach could, I feel offer analyses that have the potential to promote change, or at least spot the insidious culture that creates “victims” whether or not they have actually been attacked.

  4. Can I also add that the statement: “While reading the information, try to be aware of your response to it. If you find some of it difficult to believe, ask yourself why that is. If you find yourself getting upset or frustrated, explore that and find out where that may be coming from.” comes over as arrogant and implies you know me better than I know me- I know where my frustration comes from- it comes from being paranoid when I walk in the woods alone, when I wonder where my daughters are and stay up late to pick them up, when my friend calls me crying about her daughters violent rape that she won’t take to court because she is too ashamed, when I see girls in music videos being objectified, and on and on- daily mysogyny that we as a culture need to own – we as mindfulness practitioners need to address within ourselves and our communities

  5. “An example of verbal pressure was given within the survey when participants were asked if a perpetrator had ever pressured them into oral sex, after they said they didn?t want to have it, by threatening to end the relationship.

    In other words, if someone threatened to end the relationship if they didn?t receive oral sex, it was considered rape. No force, no threat of force and no threat of harm were required for this to be considered rape.”

    This is just blatantly wrong. That’s not what that says. It says engaging in oral sex because you were threatened with breaking up would be rape. Not the threat itself.

  6. i must admit i laughed when i saw at one point the observation men get raped as well ;by other men or some women. i see the war of the sexes is still being fought by blind fools.,,, hmmmm k , sexual assault,,,,,,, examples, steph, if you dont give me a BJ i wont see you anymore, good girls get better pay nice apartment and a car?????, heh bitch lets fuck, ahh plz dear i’m so fuckin horny. alright , wow hooly shit ye haw damn honey was that good for you too, coming up behind your wife snugging the hand holds an pressing in hard to soft with a neck turned to accept kisses, all sexual assault. some pleasant on some terms some on others,,, all to the person in question to decide for themselves. not for the other……. ignorance is no excuse. plainly stated in , well my countries law at least. do not make a mistake you are unwilling to pay for. do not decide another thought and you will be fine. want friends, company love lust….. better come prepared for stupid rules and unfair reality of humanity. best way to defend is a attack. simple. best way to sleep at night is to ignore by reasoning of sanity you were right by need for existence. yet alone we die. the point? men and women are,,, duh different…. perhaps the tortured beings of dual sexual emotions? needs? chemistry? could be of use,, but i doubt it. women have typically found value in possessions as well as befits a mother. to sustain the life they are responsible for. that does not mean men are the way they are due to being protectors who resorted to violence to protect their perceived” belongings” perhaps i could say adam loved eve eve loved the apple. that adam would hate the apple would be a normal response… to hate eve would be a protective gesture of a weak mind. and cain slew abel and ?? lied… ? i wanted that it is mine because insert excuse. my apologies but in my blunt way i protect my injured feelings by calling cain a bitch w/o tits, some term this women – hating. i call it a blunt observation expending no concern for others choosing to look,, and not away. would you agree i am guilty of sexual assault by looking for longer than 1.2 seconds at a superlative rack displayed to utterly share its perfect proportions to the right man?,,,, and i am not him. as in i should know my place … that is sexual assault as well. pleasurable and painful reaction to a needed biological start button. big deal i actually must confess at the beach i sometimes do position myself as to be assaulted as much as possible. oh i am such a slut, but that gives no-one the right to say well you should have liked it.. you enjoyed it. and of course,,, men will always lay on the short end of the stick in america because women in american more or less hold the reins. the rape culture is a real concern in many arenas. men will band together and fool themselves into believing their own bullshit. to assist in the mess is many women will use this. and jumping to conclusions is best done right away,, not after thinking what it would be like to be that fucked in the head. and the biggest problem is many people refuse to deal with the hard cold fact humans suck , as they are the guilty. the quiet ones know sharing is not all that is required, often giving in is better. so, perhaps male or female there are those who use. i quote the hawk and agree that society has been taught to value greed and violence. “I fear evolution has inbuilt greed and aggression to the human genome,” he said. “There is no sign of conflict lessening…….. then i think of the Incas and wonder if we are regaining the former pompous before the end due to huh how does a shovel work. i give my gold to know how to dig,, yes poor ex. shrug. when gold is the standard of life ,, the attractive sex will prosper,,, when eating, defense, shelter is deemed the standard it is the strong–but in mind more than might of arm. conclusion. men are going to rape women. lawyers are perhaps the problem, stigma contributes , public perception goes from 0-100 at whim of POV and it will hurt the ones who dont. women will cocktease men and the same different rules will ensure the battle will never be won… after all god forbid if women became boring,,, what is left. die fighting vs choking on life but solitary confinement is a painful death,,, oh you thought i had a solution. i just see i cannot see the other side from where i sit. if you are mad right now or quit reading you are part of the problem… if you are concerned,, i have had help and continue, i am going to see a judge next month and admit to being skeptical of my ability to continue withholding my needless opinion.. if you had a laugh and consider ranting a bit of your own well i likely will miss that but thanks for being a human ,,, humeperson sounds so fucking stupid. menkind just shameless wasting bullets. humankind,, sure okay just for you yes dear that is a very nice blouse. well of course i am staring at your boobs,, you’re intellect just does not interest me,, shrug. oh lol peoplekind … wait are you sure,,, what about the colors,, them frigggin whiteys is thieves an murderers. no lets make themm huh oh ya the brown hues,,, what happened red brown white yellow black blue green purple who the fuck is running this picture show. and that is why i say we all being dumb. the sex issue same as every other difference of opinion and humanity is to blame. but human nature says protect at any cost, so i blame others by nature and examine myself cuz my mommie said i had to,,, it is the price for a good nights sleep if i do it b4 i open my opinion… havent slept well ever. i keep trying. good thing i am not trying to have sex with myself. i think i am about to be deluged with offers. and yes assault means force, yes i know, my point was what if the person liked it, and then was forced to not like it to save a reputation. . tough sell. add alcohol. gee, that is a tough one but well drunk guys are going to get charged. . i feel little shame in admitting drunk i have few values,,, nor will i brag about no longer drinking. it was my responsibility to learn to look before i act, or play the blame game.

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