It is so strange,
this my loving you when you aren’t here,
this lingering lasting presence,
returning, again and yet again,
this feeling you are here.
Yesterday I walked along the beach
gathering driftwood, pieces of dreams,
sea gull feathers and sea shells for your Ikebana arrangements,
out on the horizon on the edges of the sea
someone hailing me,
. . . “She is not there to give them to,”
and yet, when I saw the great heron
fishing in the shallows
again I forgot
that you aren’t here,
I cried aloud as I am wont to do
. . . “Pauline, Pauline look!”
and then I knew, somehow I knew,
that you were here
and that you’d already looked.
Without reasons, causes, preconceived ideas
softly you tip-toed into me
entering every corner of my heart,
you touched me, intimately,
I knew that we never were apart.
in the deep silence something stirred,
unwrapped itself from sleep,
burst through the shackles which enclosed my heart,
I knew that as one bird we both could fly.
YOUR LEAVING EYES
It rained last night
and all the fields were wet with tears,
there’s an old oak in the forest glen
I visit every now and then
even he looked sad today
something told him you must go upon your journey,
that you would slip away.
. . . now, in this twilit hour,
with streaks of purple, red and yellow in the sky
I wondered why
in that half-light of day
you left, without a kiss good-by,
. . . but, in your leaving eyes
a faintly flickering smile,
and all around the darkening eaves
drifting summer sunlit leaves,
across the meadow wind-blown flowers,
magic moments, memories, all my ivory towers,
behind it all that which you really are,
no fear, no dread,
there’s no such thing as being dead.
Tom McFerran is 81 and resides in Liverpool, England, UK. He is a widower having lost his wife Pauline to brain cancer 10 years ago. He now lives alone and spends some time watercolour painting and writing poetry. He is interested in the works of Rumi, Hafiz and other Sufi mystics. He subscribes to no particular religion as such, favouring and pursuing the path of Advaita (Non-Duality). He can be contacted through email at Tommy McFerran.