Falling from grace
I’ve climbed rocky mountains, only to slip and fall back into a cave of oblivion where a scary darkness haunted me with delusions of evil shadows and demons. I’ve fought to maintain equality and haunted this darkness, in return, with kindness, love and light. This kept me alive as I continued to pull my heavy body upward towards clouds that emulated visions of gods and goddesses I could see with a vividness I knew was for my insane eyes only.
As the mountain snow melts and the icy water flows downwards, where it falls and crashes into a freezing body of blood that I once would’ve drowned in, I grab a tight hold of warm, dry, sun-kissed stone. I grasp the stone with hope that pulls me out of the melting pot of bubbling and boiling red lava that’s waiting to explode into the Universe, where its ash will work its way through cracked clouds and land on the sun.
I welcome and confront my fear of great heights with the pursuit of continuing to challenge myself. I push my capabilities to the limits and continue to be surprised, like a rainbow continually shining colour on my black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindset. As the skies become gray and gloomy, I remain safe in a heaven from which I look down and see my countless blessings as falling raindrops.
Tears of joy fall from grace.
Stepping forward
Whether I’m exposed to a harsh storm or the sun’s beating rays, an umbrella hovers above my small yet growing mind, serving as protection. As I objectively gaze down from above, I see a full life overflowing with impactful, powerful events and connections—some magnificent, others torturous. I’m detached, yet I fully own my story. As a slight breeze blows, I look up to check the weather, only to be reminded that I can’t predict whether or not the skies will roar or peacefully glow.
I hear a song, and my eyes shuffle back in time to look down and land on that one wild and free night in high school. A pure memory of complete innocence and joy makes my heart sink and clouds accumulate. As the grief and loss of invincibility and blissful ignorance pours down and drips onto my shoes, where it slowly fades, so do my tears. I step forward, dry and unscathed.
I stumble upon a photo, and my heart expands into my chest, where pressure rests and a storm of passion brews. A growing light from above creates a shadow of different objects that surround me, and as I freely move into bright spaces, my new territory is marked with yet another unique silhouette.
Life is puzzling. Am I missing a piece?
Freedom and surrender
I was asked (and I’m asking myself) to reflect on my internal perceptions of how my impulsive thoughts transcended into a temporary discomfort that questioned my future actions. My stubborn and obsessive character never gives up without a fight, as my mind eagerly battles between right and wrong, good and bad. As my soul screams for freedom, my heart yearns for comfort, and as my hand reaches for the glass of wine, I remind myself to think. What are the consequences?
By allowing a sip, I’m free and comforted, yet “my” truth is no longer “the” truth, as I slip back into a web of lies. It’s the negative internal perceptions of my self-worth and honesty that consume my misery and leave me alone and imprisoned. There is no “my” truth. “The” truth sets me free, yet by protecting all of whom I love, including myself, I diminish pain and fear with a smile. It becomes clear that my definition of freedom was skewed. Freedom can’t be faked. Freedom becomes free only by surrendering.
As my heart and mind find a balanced freedom between love and wisdom, I freely and safely walk forward into the unknown, with confidence in my ability to utilize the tools that were once overshadowed by my impulsivity. Let me act on love with caution. Let me act on wisdom with compassion. Let me surrender with patience and trust the Universe to act with me.
I was asked, and I’m asking myself. Let’s take action.
Chasing lightning
A shock from the charged metal instantaneously zaps my finger. My body jolts, and my hand flies into air that balances my fear and pain with surprise and excitement. Extremes are embedded in my character. I’ll fly, or I’ll die. I’ll chase the lightning. I’ll risk it all, to just feel. I’ll face my greatest fears for reward. I’ll sacrifice my soul for it to travel to the moon. I’ll continue to push the limits. I’ll be foolish.
I want my fingers to type effortlessly. I want words to appear that, although they’re mine, are projected from elsewhere. I want to trust the Universe to acknowledge and act on my behalf—to keep giving me hints that I’m heading down the right path. I want to switch off the light and crawl into bed where my body lays heavy and dreams of oblivion. I want my mind to finally rest, and I want the light in my soul to shine and shoot for the stars. I want my dark ceiling to be seen through. I want to reach into my dreams and touch the fabrics of the Universe.
I want to chase lightning that will snap me into reality. I want the bolt to caress my skin and then sharply hit my core, where my entire being will glow for the world to see. Maybe it’ll be seen that I didn’t just survive the lightning—instead, I embraced it, let go of the pain and held onto the electric connection.
The lightning sizzles into my body and then releases itself into my outer life, in the form of creativity. I must share the secrets that have been whispered to my possessed fingers. I must shriek out and share my stubborn beliefs through creative expression. I must take my last breath knowing I tried. I must own my words.
Am I foolish?
Exploration of the universe
I feel safe and grounded in a new fantasy that pulls my energy deep into the abyss of a mind, body and soul that remains stable and realistic as it gets lost in dreams that begin to solidify. I continue to find inspiration and a higher power through my mind’s creativity. Even though my mind’s trickery still lingers, I’m aware of it, and I accept that I may never believe my experiences were pure delusion. I can’t help but believe that one particular experience and vision was felt and seen, and began my journey towards the moon.
My vulnerable mind is scared to admit, in its insanity, that I believe I’ve been elsewhere, in a place where I was shown miracles. That the power of creativity has guided me safely through a colourful ocean of intense light and darkness, where I’d rise into a mysterious horizon and be released from my imprisonment to freely explore The Universe.
I no longer need validation or proof of the impossible. I own my mind, and can now admit to the craziness of my persistent search for affirmation. I may be alone behind my sparkling eyes that see a world of colour and a life of love, but I’m no longer scared of my mind’s isolation. I no longer feel the need to expose my deepest secrets that I tried so hard to share, in hopes of approval that would validate something I now recognize as my experience only. I no longer feel held down by the strong current of judgment and concern.
I will fly higher.
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изображения: Depositphotos
