UNTAPPED MAGIC: This 5-part negativity detox will help you find yours

It was 2008. At this point in my life, I was still confused about how things we think about become our reality. When people seemingly created miraculous things in their lives, I would stare at them perplexed, wondering, How did they do that?

I knew I wanted to live an extraordinary life. I craved peace of mind, security, safety and a feeling of wholistic well-being. I just didn’t know how to make those desires my reality. Take, for instance, one of my old friends. She was the Queen of Schemes. Whenever we’d discuss the topic of men, she’d say to me, “They play us all the time, so I play them.”

She lived in the hood, but the house was paid for by one of her baller boyfriends. She didn’t pay rent, and the car she drove, a brand-new Benz, was paid for by another baller friend.

Yet another baller boyfriend gave her a weekly allowance. Now, what did she do to receive these things? I’d rather not mention.

“What if he decides to take the car back?” I said one day when we met for dinner. I admired her Gucci outfit and her Cartier bracelet. She was fly, and I was curious as to how she managed to juggle three men without getting caught up.

“I know stuff about him that would put him away for a long time.” She leaned in closer to me from across the table, speaking barely above a whisper. She smelled of Flowerbomb. “Trust me when I say he ain’t stupid.” She leaned back and picked up her French martini.

I often wondered why her way of thinking worked for her, even though in my mind it was dangerous. If any of these men decided he was done with her, he could take away her house, allowance or car. Then what? She didn’t have a job. To my knowledge she didn’t have any skills. She grew up in the hood, so she did what she knew best. She was simply a finesser.

“But what if it did happen though?” I pressed the question, wondering if she had a plan B.

“Then I’ll just find another one.” She took a sip of her drink and smiled. “I know what I’m doing, Clo. Look at you, all worried about me and shit. I’m good.”

Her game plan was simple. If she needed to replace a man, she’d ride around the side of town where the ballers could be found. She’d dress up to the nines, fake lashes, wig and all. She was tall and slim and had a killer smile that could melt any man’s heart. She’d sit at the bar of the five-star restaurant of her choice and wait until a victim fell prey. That was her game, and it worked like a charm—until it didn’t.

After some time, my old friend and I fell out because I knew this wasn’t the type of company I wanted to keep. The last time we spoke, apparently one of the baller boyfriends had taken the Benz. She wanted me to drive her to his house and help her steal the car back. Hell naw. You must be
…..Out.
…..Yo.
…..Mind.

Some years later, while driving through downtown Detroit, I saw her, and she saw me, and her mouth dropped. She tried to turn away from my view as she walked toward the bus stop with a baby in tow. No car. Catching the bus. So unlike the friend I knew from before who drove a brand-new Benz SUV.

It didn’t surprise me. Not one bit. Her game eventually caught up with her, and she didn’t seem like the baller finesser she once was.

I remember one night she’d told me that all men cheat. That was her belief. She said that every man had cheated on her mother and her grandmother and her, so she had no faith that any man would be loyal to her. Because she thought like that, she also cheated men. She thought that by cheating others, she’d live a better life than she could on her own.

You don’t have to cheat others in this world to live a good life. You can live by morals and values and create an amazing, abundant life. Unfortunately for my old friend, she was genuinely unhappy. Though at the time I didn’t know it, she wanted an honest life, she just didn’t know how to get there.

Moral of the story is, what we believe to be true for us will be. She believed men were natural cheaters, always up to no good, and that’s how her baller boyfriends turned out to be. They eventually decided they wanted their Benz and their house back—to pass down to the next girlfriend. Whatever the case, you don’t have to focus on using other people. Instead, focus on doing good for yourself to get ahead.

Recognize your power with toxic people

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When you surround yourself with toxic people in toxic environments, you can become influenced by their decisions and their way of thinking. You’re actually surrounding yourself with lower thought energetics (LTEs), which lowers your own vibrational frequency level. This is a no-no.

The best way to rid yourself of toxic people is to stop hanging around them! The one thing we can never change is other people. We’re all born with free will and the ability to make our own decisions. And as much as I felt afraid for my friend and the way she was living her life, no matter what I did or said to try to help her, it was 100 percent up to her to change her life. So instead of continuing our friendship, I ended it, knowing I didn’t want that type of energy in my life.

When you eliminate toxicity from your life, you also eliminate toxic situations. You’re saying to the Universe, “I want and deserve better than this. I’m ready for and worthy of high-quality friendships.” No one can coerce you into going somewhere or doing something with them that may cause you harm or, worse, cause other people harm. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re pulled into someone else’s crisis. You can’t save the world, but you can save yourself.

If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation and you aren’t sure how to navigate it, here is a technique that I’ve shared with my clients.

If someone is trying to force you to make a decision right away without time to think, you probably shouldn’t make that decision right then and there. If you feel an urgency that a decision must be made now and you’re not ready to, take a step back and hold off. You don’t have to make rash decisions that you may later on regret. Take the time to think things through before jumping to decisions that can cost you. The Universe will always guide you to take aligned action with a sense of knowing or a positive feeling in your gut—not a sense of urgency to act rashly.

You have all the power anyway, but when a toxic person sees the opportunity to take advantage of you, they will. So it’s best to keep the toxic folks out of your life. If you find it difficult to eliminate these people completely—maybe they’re family members or someone close to you—take the necessary action steps to protect your energy and your peace.

If you find yourself slipping into a dark place, lift yourself up out of darkness and step into the light. Only you can save yourself. And you have the power to do so. Ask and it shall be given unto you. Never give your power away to anyone and leave your life up to chance. You are the captain of your ship. The pilot of your plane. The author of your story. The main character in your movie of life. You are. Why would you want to give your God-given gift away?

Those are some broad strokes for keeping yourself safe. Now, let’s look in more detail at ways to remove toxicity from your life, so you can learn to take your power back once and for all.

Cut contact with toxic people: 7 tips

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Let the other person know how you feel

Nine times out of 10, if you haven’t communicated to the person that you’re unhappy in the relationship and that you want to cut ties, they probably don’t know. Be clear and honest; tell them how you feel and that it’s best to go your separate ways. Let them know in a calm manner, and don’t stoop down to their level if they react irrationally. This is why you’re letting go.

Set hard boundaries—and mean them

If you really want someone gone from your life, you can’t tether yourself to the idea that they’re gonna change and everything will be all right. If it’s been the same toxicity for years, nothing will change them unless they decide to do it. Until that time comes (if ever), set hard boundaries and mean them. Don’t respond to their emails, texts, calls or redes sociais DMs. If you’re done, then be done. Make sure you don’t give your power away.

Block them

This one is quite easy. You block them from your life. You block their contact info and then you delete them, never to be seen or heard from again. You have the power here. Don’t let a pessimistic person tell you otherwise.

If it’s someone you can’t fully block (maybe they’re a family member or a co-worker), protect yourself emotionally. You do this by leaving your energy at the door before you interact with the person. What I’ve done, and what has worked like a charm for many of my clients and friends, is to pretend I’m taking my energy out of my body before I make contact with the toxic person.

Put your energy into an imaginary box and lock it. When you come back from being around the toxic person, you say the following mantra: I release any negative energy that doesn’t belong to me. I remove any negativity from my body. I am loved. I am safe. I am protected. Now, unlock your box and put your energy back on.

When you protect your aura and your energy, you’re no longer permitting the toxic person’s negative energy to latch on to your energy and alter your mood. You’re allowing the toxic person’s energy to move past you but not to stick to you.

Protect your energy with affirmations

Another protective mechanism that I use is to tell myself that I am safe. I am protected. I am secure. This reassures me that my energy is protected, and no one has power over me and my decisions. I am strong. I am worthy. I am protected. These mantras have helped me block toxic people from my space and go on to live a healthy, happy and amazing life. I wish the same for you if you’re in this type of situation.

Spend more time with positive folks

Surround yourself with people who do good and want to see you do good. They’re out there, trust me. Those are your biggest cheerleaders. They cheer in your success and your happiness. You need more of those people in your life, people who accept you exactly as you are.

Talk to a professional

Talking to someone can always help. Whether this is a life coach or a trusted therapist, talking to someone can help you work through any deeper issues at hand and sever ties with the toxic person or people in your life. They can also give you the support you need to cope with moving on from the relationship.

Forgive, even if you don’t forget

Forgiving someone who has harmed you is an act of love. It’s the first step to letting go and moving on, the first step to healing. When you hang on to thoughts of those who wronged you, that anger sits deep within you, and you fester in those thoughts. This can cause disease and illness, not to mention sap you of your peace of mind.

Release those negative thoughts and that anger by doing the Magic Action below. This will help you to forgive the person who has done you wrong. Even if you don’t forget about what they did, you’ll stop feeding it any of your power, as you’re stronger than that now.

Magic Action: Negativity detox

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In this exercise, we’ll walk through how you can release your thoughts and feelings of negativity towards someone who has wronged you and forgive that person. I’d like you to get somewhere quiet and comfortable for the next few minutes as we complete this exercise.

1. With your eyes closed, place one hand on your heart and the other on your navel. Imagine in front of you is the person who has wronged you. If it’s too difficult to imagine them, imagine a symbol that represents them. This can be an object, such as a water bottle or a piece of paper. Anything you can think of.
2. Next, I want you to imagine that you’re talking to that person (or the object) and telling them how you feel. How they have hurt you. Imagine them being passive and not showing any emotion. They can’t harm you and won’t harm you during this exercise. They have no power over you.
3. Now I want you to say these words aloud or in your mind: I release you. I release all negativity and toxicity that you brought into my life. You have no power over me, and you cannot hurt me. I release you and everything that you have done to me. I forgive you, and you can no longer hurt me.
4. Next, imagine the person fading away, literally disappearing from your life. If you’re representing them with an object, such as a piece of paper, imagine the piece of paper being shredded and then burning and disappearing into thin air. Whatever object you thought of, imagine it disappearing in thin air, out of your life.
5. To go even deeper into forgiveness, imagine sending love and light to that person. Imagine a heart coming from your heart and direct it to them. Wish them well and then close the chapter to this experience in your life. You’ve learned your lesson, and there is no going back.

imagem 1: Boris ThaserImagem 2: Mohamed_hassan; imagem 3: geralt