“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings
My adult diagnosis of ADHD was a glorious gift and became the catalyst for me to write my first book, Coach Yourself, which was published in September 2023.
My oldest son, who is now 20 years old, was diagnosed with ADHD at the end of middle school. As the doctors described the symptoms, I kept thinking, “Hey, that sounds like me!” At the time, I was in my early 50s: old enough to have seen a lot of success in my life, but also a lot of confusion, shame and frustration.
The challenge with ADHD is that it shows up so differently for so many people: from hyperactive to inattentive; hyper-focused to an inability to focus. And some folks, like me, display symptoms of both.
At the same time, there are a few truths about ADHD that almost all medical professionals agree on:
- ADHD has a strong hereditary component.
- About 40 percent of ADHD children have at least one parent with clinical ADHD symptoms.
- The onset of ADHD symptoms is traced back to childhood.
- ADHD symptoms occur across multiple settings, including work, home and one’s social world.
I’d certainly never thought much about ADHD until my son’s diagnosis.
When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I felt enormously relieved because it finally brought clarity to some painful memories and behaviours, and continuing challenges now made sense. For instance, some of my traits, such as my acute distractedness on the home front, frequently interrupting colleagues in work meetings, and my need to take immediate action (often without fully understanding the consequences) now had an explanation.
My diagnosis gave me another lens to interpret the past and I was responsible for using this newfound perspective to enhance how I showed up in my life for myself and others.
A reframed self-narrative
My ADHD diagnosis gave me the opportunity to reframe my self-narrative, which has had a huge impact on how I see myself and how I move through the world.
There is a lot of shame associated with ADHD. There are so many instances when I remember feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and unable to control my energy and impulses.
That’s how it showed up for me. Yes, I managed to develop organizational systems that got me through college and two graduate degrees. And I moved through various career transitions relatively successfully: from international microfinance to management consulting to leadership roles in non-profits.
I was lucky that my ADHD didn’t impede my academic or work progress, the way that it does for so many. However, I continually felt bad about many aspects of myself. I was frustrated when I couldn’t behave the way I wanted to, and the way others expected me to … even when I was trying hard to be “normal.” For instance, I couldn’t sit still in team meetings that dragged on; I struggled to maintain focus during long presentations, and often couldn’t remember what we’d discussed in the meetings.
The diagnosis gave me an explanation for some of my behaviour. I still have to work on my impulsiveness, hyperactivity and distraction, but I do so with an acceptance that my brain is simply wired differently.
Through my diagnosis, I gained awareness and tools that have helped me to show up differently in my life: as a parent, partner, friend and coach. Most fundamental for me was the development of a regular prática do cuidado consisting of daily meditation and listening regularly to podcasts focused on mindfulness techniques.
The ADHD pathway to writing my book
I credit my ADHD diagnosis with opening the pathway for me to write my first book, which required a leap of faith in both me and the process of tackling a big, long-term project.
First, my confidence has grown significantly since my diagnosis because I understand myself better and have more self-compassion. This outcome wasn’t immediate; it has been a progressive journey. Additionally, my diagnosis liberated my sense of creativity. I now perceive myself as a creative person, and that boosted my confidence as a writer.
Second, I’m strongly motivated to reach other adults with ADHD and help them on their journey of self-discovery. I started writing and posting about coaching leaders with ADHD—content that is included in my first book, Coach Yourself. My book also provides tools and strategies to help someone with ADHD lighten their cognitive load when they face challenges and feel overwhelmed.
Finally, without this diagnosis, I don’t think I would have had the self-awareness, discipline and systems in place to write this book. It was a big undertaking and I needed to create better systems and scaffolding to help me live up to my potential and be more productive.
For me, having a caring yet demanding editor was critically important. Laura helped me map out the entire process for writing the book, including a detailed timeline. Our regularly scheduled meetings gave me helpful deadlines to keep moving forward. And she encouraged me to “follow my energy” when writing. For example, writing the easier parts of the book first boosted my confidence in the entire process.
Normalizing ADHD
If I had one wish for my ADHD community, it would be that we work towards the normalization of ADHD. Our brains are wired differently. It’s that simple and that complex! If we accept this fact, we can incorporate that recognition into expectations and accountability at work, at home and at play.
We talk about ADHD superpowers such as energy, creativity, empathy and hyperfocus, and we know that real challenges also are part of our reality. I believe we should accept ADHD’s gifts and challenges together, as a unified whole.
Profound and practical
I came up with the tagline “profound and practical” to describe my approach to dealing with my ADHD.
When you get an ADHD diagnosis, you’ll still need to navigate the practical realities of life, ranging from work deadlines to meet, bills to pay and endless personal life logistics to manage.
An adult ADHD diagnosis entails some profound aspects: understanding and changing your self-narrative, overcoming shame, and having more empathy and compassion for yourself and others who aren’t neurotypical. I’ve found great value from being in a community with others who have ADHD diagnoses. I feel less lonely.
At the same time, when you get an ADHD diagnosis, you’ll still need to navigate the practical realities of life, ranging from work deadlines to meet, bills to pay and endless personal life logistics to manage. The list is endless. We all have to find solutions to stay on top of life’s day-to-day demands. In many cases, medication helps. ADHD coaching is another tool. And there are now well-vetted online resources and apps to help us each create the individual tools, tactics and scaffolding we need to get stuff done.
I want my ADHD community to remember that it’s hard work to come to terms with the profound and practical aspects of an ADHD diagnosis. Neither one is more important than the other. We recognize that they co-exist, while also recognizing that some days will require more focus in one area than the other. It’s a dance of priorities and attention.
I am a positive and hopeful person. I believe that we’ll see even bigger shifts in how ADHD and other forms of neurodiversity are normalized at work, home and in our communities. We all have something to contribute and by welcoming others’ differing abilities, we also invite fresh ways of seeing the world—which, in turn, helps us all.
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