I’ve read dozens, possibly hundreds of autobiographies and memoirs. There’s always something to learn or discover about the way someone lived their life, good or bad. And because I tend to lean toward an interest in the rock-and-roll lifestyle, oftentimes I’ll find myself diving into a personal redemption story. There’s a formula: young man or woman finds success, becomes addicted to alcohol or drugs, slides down to a personal rock-bottom, then gets sober and learns to appreciate life.
But these stories are much more than just a walk through familiar territory. They are living examples of developing discipline and moving toward temperance, one of the Stoic virtues.
There are four Stoic virtues: Wisdom, Courage, Justice and Temperance (or moderation). Within each of these virtues lies a host of actions and mindsets, and temperance, especially, is guided by discipline.
When they’re using drugs, trashing hotel rooms, having sex with multiple groupies and staying out until all hours of the morning, rock stars—and anyone else, for that matter—are undisciplined. They’re riding a wave of their worst, most destructive ideas, pushing away any worries about getting sick or caught or ruining that night’s live performance because they’re hungover or perhaps still high.
Many rock stars have died young from this kind of undisciplined behaviour. For some, the risk is all part of the thrill.
Hold fast, then, to this sound and wholesome rule of life—that you indulge the body only so far as is needful for good health. Eat merely to relieve your hunger; drink merely to quench your thirst; dress merely to keep out the cold; house yourself merely as a protection against personal discomfort.
Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
Temperance applies to life’s everyday moments. A lack of discipline can manifest in a person who does too much shopping, gossiping or not keeping their word. While it doesn’t affect them quite as dramatically as overindulgence does a rock star, it’s destructive in other ways.
It’s that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’ve deliberately let someone down. An empty bank account when rent is due, upsetting a good friend when she discovers you were criticizing her behind her back, or feeling guilty after losing your temper towards a child.
Discipline doesn’t mean turning into a robot. It means keeping yourself in check to emulate the kind of person you want to become. Calm. Centred. Acting consciously, not on impulse.
Temperance: The middle of the road
The virtue of temperance asks us to choose to take control of our emotions, and therefore, our reactions.
Say you’re driving and someone else appears out of nowhere and hits you. There’s damage to your car, but you’re not hurt. What is your response? You have a choice at this moment. You can decide to yell and scream, tell the other driver they’re an idiot, and later deal with the aftermath of knowing you overreacted.
Or you can limit your response and proceed calmly as you exchange insurance information with them. Surely, you’ve made a mistake before and have unintentionally caused inconvenience to someone else. Consider the positives: No one was injured. There’s no loss of life. Cars can be fixed. This is an opportunity to exemplify the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you would want them to treat you.
Stoics understand that true happiness is a decision. It’s not found in an overnight delivery box.
Living a virtuous life is the most important part of Stoicism. Each of the four virtues shares an element of doing ‘the right thing.’ Sometimes, that’s easy. A cashier in a busy store undercharges you for an item so you let them know.
It becomes more difficult when you’re the only one in a group who’s willing to speak out, or when you’re looking at a crushed bumper on your new car. Regardless of the circumstances, temperance means being disciplined about your reactions.
Temperance also extends to material possessions. It’s not just a question of how much stuff you really need, because most of us truly need much less than we have. It’s reducing our dependence on external things to make us happy. They rarely do. That goes for electronics, clothing, likes on social media and any other source outside of ourselves. Stoics understand that true happiness is a decision. It’s not found in an overnight delivery box.
Exhibit the discipline to refrain from purchasing the next hot gadget that history tells you will end up forgotten in a drawer or collecting dust on a shelf.
Temperance doesn’t mean going without what’s essential. It’s the result of honestly asking yourself whether you really do need another pair of shoes or more bedsheets when you may already have enough. Shopping for its own sake is a wasteful indulgence, the opposite of discipline. Temperance means avoiding anything to excess.
However, self-control isn’t the same as deprivation.
Some people would have you believe that temperance essentially means you must move to a virtual mountaintop and avoid anything pretty or comforting or indulgent. That’s not the case. Temperance is moderation. When there’s a box of chocolates in front of you, eat one chocolate if you really want it. Don’t eat a dozen.
Temperence creates better habits and keeps one’s life in the middle of the road, between overindulgence and denial. And it applies to everything from material goods to physical activities to our emotions to what we spend our time thinking about.
Exercising self-control becomes a habit that benefits us in many ways. In addition to freeing up time, it creates an awareness of how we are spending our time and focuses us back on what matters. When we keep ourselves from getting too high or too low, we live authentically in the now and in reality, where we will no doubt experience many more delightful and tragic moments in the future. That knowledge reminds us to always act, react and consume in moderation.
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imagen 1 D. Light; imagen 2: Alejandro Alvariño
