Editor’s Note: The article is written from the perspective of an author who celebrates Christmas, but the advice can be easily applied to any major holiday.
The festive season is generally thought of as a special time for family and friends to gather together. It can seem like everyone is busy, excited and happy, but for many, this is actually a time of isolation and loneliness. Some find they don’t have anyone to see or anywhere to go. For far too many, Christmas is a time spent alone, with feelings of loneliness, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
If you find yourself dreading your anticipated loneliness and isolation this Christmas, here are six strategies that may help you cope.
Accept your feelings
Be with your feelings, whatever they are, because it really is OK to feel whatever you’re feeling. Every felt emotion is natural and normal, and provides us with information, so feeling something unpleasant doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you that needs to be fixed.
Ask yourself: How are things for me right now? How do I feel, and what is on my mind at this moment?
If you find that you’re feeling sad, remember that this can be a normal response to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Therefore, in the moment, that’s what you are “supposed” to be feeling!
Allow feelings to come and go
Emotions aren’t permanent. All feelings, however painful they are, come and go. Like waves on the ocean, emotions have a natural rhythm, so you should allow your feelings to come in and move away, naturally. For example, if you feel like crying, allow yourself to cry, as this is a very normal and natural way to release emotions.
Make a list of positive affirmations
Ask yourself what you would say if you were speaking to someone who was feeling lonely at the moment, and write that down. Include some affirmations such as, “I am safe,” “I am lovable,” “I am a caring person,” “I am a good person,” and “I can love myself,” and the next time you feel lonely or otherwise down, read your positive message aloud to yourself.
Plan your day for your enjoyment
What brings you joy? What makes you feel alive? What do you love most?
Structure your Christmas by making plans to do things you enjoy, so you can create a Christmastime that works best for you, even if you’re completely alone. Make your Christmas Day a celebration of you, but at the same time, don’t be afraid to have a quiet, simple, ordinary day if you want to. This, to me, sounds very lovely.
Reach out to others
Sometimes reaching out and talking to someone can help.
This could be someone who’s already in your life, or someone you’ve lost touch with. Perhaps there’s someone else you know who is alone and dreading Christmas, and they might love to hear from you! Be open to the possibility that whoever you reach out to will be pleased or even delighted that you did.
I know reaching out can feel risky, because you might fear that the person will be unavailable to you. Sometimes there’s no way around feeling our vulnerability and fear of rejection, but if you decide to reach out to another individual, it’s important that you reach out to someone whom you think is a caring, trustworthy, reliable type of person.
Most of the time (but not always), it’s best to reach out before Christmas Day. If you feel you can trust and rely on a particular person, you may want to ask them if you can give them a call on December 25, if that’s what you want to do.
If you’re unable to call a loved one that day, or there’s no one there for you, remember that the Samaritans are always there 24 hours a day in the UK, and you don’t have to be suicidal to call them for support. You can view a list of similar resources found in other countries aquí..
Be open to being joyful alone
Finally, as Christmas Day approaches, remember that aloneness doesn’t always equal loneliness. When we can just “be” with ourselves, there’s a certain peace to be found.
When we’re alone, we’re free to experience our true selves, just as we are, safe from having to pretend or put on a mask. We’re not expected to be, think or feel a certain way. Indeed, our aloneness is a place where we can experience a deep acceptance of ourselves, just as we are.
When you’re alone, ask yourself: Who am I, really? At this moment, what is missing, exactly? What do I need right now that isn’t already here?
If you find yourself lonely this Christmastime, be available to truly “be” with yourself, without effort and with simplicity and ordinariness. If you’re real, open and honest with yourself—and are willing to be with yourself, just as you are—you may find a warmth and connection within, where you experience yourself as complete, just as you are.
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