Loving someone with an addiction isn’t a task for the faint of heart. You need almost superhuman powers to differentiate when their behaviour is about you and when it isn’t. You have to make tough decisions when your emotions are already raw.
However, taking a mindfulness-centred approach and using appropriate tools can help you deal with your loved one who is struggling. Here are five mindful mental health tips for supporting a friend, a family member or someone else you know with an addiction.
Educate yourself
The next time you walk into a crowded place, like a conference room or a restaurant, look around you. One out of every 10 of the other patrons or participants has struggled or will struggle with a substance use disorder at some point in their lives. Addiction is a remarkably common affliction.
Why, then, is it so taboo to discuss? The problem probably originates from the misperception that addiction is a choice. Modern medicine now treats addiction as a disease. While the individual user might’ve made the original decision to order a drink or insert the needle, these substances cause biochemical and even structural changes in the brain. Over time, resisting the urge to use becomes as challenging as passing by an oasis when crossing a desert parched of water.
Individuals with substance use disorder often struggle to pinpoint exactly when things went downhill. People with polysubstance misuse disorder might start with a legal drink at a bar, but then their clouded judgment leads them to try a line of cocaine, and they get hooked before they know it.
Educating yourself about how addiction changes your brain will give you more empathy for your struggling loved one. This understanding won’t keep you from imposing appropriate boundaries, though. In fact, it may even help you do so. For instance, instead of urging someone in recovery to have “just one glass of champagne” to toast your wedding, you’ll recognize that doing so will affect their dopamine receptors, which can potentially lead to a downward spiral.
Enlist support
People with addiction need a positive social support network. So do their caregivers—but their needs get far less attention. Make friendships with people other than your afflicted loved one a priority during this time.
Your support team will provide a safe space for you to process your emotions. They can also lend you a necessary perspective on your situation. For example, you might struggle with whether to continue a romantic relationship with someone with an addiction, and ponder how doing so will impact your children. Folks who’ve been through similar circumstances can tell you all about the good, the bad and the ugly, including what they wish they’d done differently.
Finally, your friendship circle will help you relieve the stress that often accompanies supporting someone with an addiction. If you have a group that you run with or a Yoga BFF who always plops their mat right next to yours at the studio, be sure to nurture those relationships. You might sometimes include the individual with substance use disorder in your plans, but at other times, you can simply spend time connecting with other friends and blowing off steam while improving your health.
Set firm and fair boundaries
Loving someone with addiction sometimes means saying no—even for big asks. It can feel heartbreaking to deny someone you love something personal, like access to your home. Nonetheless, if you can’t afford to lose any more of your precious belongings and your loved one with substance use disorder keeps stealing them to support their habit, you may have to seek shelter or inpatient care for them instead.
It isn’t enough to determine your boundaries by keeping them in your head. Like it or not, you have to become a role model for healthier communication models. Choose a time when you know your loved one with addiction is sober, and the both of you are feeling calm, to have a talk. Use “I” statements to convey how their behaviour impacts you. You could say something like, “I felt devastated when I realized you sold my deceased grandmother’s brooch to buy alcohol.”
Let them know the consequences they’ll experience if such behaviour happens again. Please communicate this clearly and unequivocally, by making a statement such as this one: “If you take any of my belongings again without permission, you’ll need to move out of the apartment within a week. I care about you, but I can’t afford to lose any more of my stuff.”
Take advantage of wellness benefits
If you’re reasonably healthy, you may have never investigated the wellness benefits your employer offers. Now is the time to take advantage of those amenities if you have them. Many organizations offer mental health benefits packages, and there’s no stigma in seeking therapy. Millions of people visit professional counsellors every day for advice on managing life stress, even if they don’t have a disorder.
Remember how important it is to practice healthy coping mechanisms? You might want to hit the onsite gym, even if you’ve rarely exercised before, or take advantage of partnerships your employer has established with local fitness centres.
If you’re the caregiver for someone with addiction, you might also need time away from work to care for your loved one. Even employers who’ve been stingy with flextime and telecommuting options in the past are more open to them now, thanks to the Great Resignation. If your boss offers such options, take advantage of them. If not, strike when the iron is hot and put in your request now.
Schedule caregiver breaks
Scores of articles talk about how taking a vacation from daily responsibilities benefits people with addiction. There’s an entire industry devoted to inpatient care, with facilities offering everything from Yoga to horseback riding. But what about the folks taking care of others with substance use disorder?
Booking a spa getaway for yourself could cost a pretty penny, but you can afford to give yourself breaks with any budget.
If taking a full day off for your mental health isn’t possible, try scheduling a long weekend by taking off early on a Friday. Ensure that your loved one with substance use disorder has someone else to look after them, and take a solo trip.
Even vacationing at home can help, if you don’t let others know about your plans. Far too many folks interpret “free time” as synonymous with “available time.” You need those precious hours to rest and do what you enjoy, which can often get put on the backburner during your caretaking duties.
Remember to keep your cup full
Taking care of someone with an addiction is tough. You need to consistently remain mindful of your actions and how they affect the one you love.
Fortunately, If you follow these five mental health tips above when supporting an individual with an addiction, life may become much easier for both of you. Remember that you can’t pour from an empty pitcher (or cup), and you need to take care of yourself, too.
Medical disclaimer: This page is for educational and informational purposes only and may not be construed as medical advice. The information is not intended to replace medical advice offered by physicians. Please refer to the full text of our medical disclaimer.
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