The term “self-care” can be thrown around so freely nowadays. Don’t get me wrong, establishing rituals for psychological health and wellness is extremely important, and as a therapist, it’s something I strongly encourage. However, I wonder if we’ve lost the meaning behind the practice and the ability to thoughtfully conceive of and articulate what the ways of caring for ourselves actually are.
I’ve heard “What do you do for self-care?” tacked onto the end of therapy sessions, lectures and meetings in such a flippant manner that when pre-prepared responses are automatically thrown back, such as “I do Yoga,” “I meditate”, etc., I wonder if there’s even any truth to them.
To be completely transparent, I’ve been guilty of throwing out a glossy, canned response to the very same question, which I crafted to indicate that I engage in certain trending activities and am at the peak of wellness; but, in reality, these activities don’t resonate with me at all.
The activities, rituals and routines we partake in are only beneficial if they’re truly appealing to us and if we see the benefit in them. Essentially, it’s only self-care if we can get ourselves to care.
With this idea in mind, I decided to embark on a mission to try three commonly suggested self-care activities and find a way to utilize them in a way that personally resonates. After all, there’s no one way to participate in an activity that’s meant to provide personalized care.
Perhaps this will be valuable to those of you who are tired of supplying generic responses without actually having a go-to activity or activities, or it may help those who have an activity but feel as if they’re just going through the motions rather than fully engaging.
Journaling
I often encourage my clients to spend time journaling, as it can allow us to process our thoughts and feelings, and it can reduce our cognitive and emotional load. Something about putting a pen (or pencil) to paper not only allows us to follow a thought to its conclusion, but also enables us to remove that item from the full load we carry, which can be weighty. That’s why I love to-do lists.
Journaling takes the list a step further by allowing us to reflect, and it can offer us a deeper sense of self-awareness than we had before. On the flip side, though, journaling about something anxiety-provoking or negative may hold us in that space and create a situation in which we perseverate upon the exact thing we’re trying to work through. Journaling is different for everyone, and it’s important that each person does what works best for them.
You name it, I’ve tried it all: free-writing, journals with prompts, writing my top three reasons for gratitude each day, and filling in missing pieces á la Mad Libs. For me, journaling (more specifically, freely writing by using paper as a blank canvas) has been beneficial, but only when I’m in the mood.
While this activity can be a form of caring for myself, I wouldn’t supply this as the answer when asked about my go-to self-care ritual, as I’ve personally found that writing just to write can feel empty and forced. I much prefer the organic process of sitting down to journal when I have something specific to work through and process.
Mindfulness practices
For some reason, when I introduce mindful awareness to many of my clients, it’s accompanied by an eyeroll or an anecdote about how they downloaded that one app that one time and just couldn’t pay attention. Combatting a preconceived notion is tricky, but I try to impress upon people that mindfulness is simply being present and fully engaged in the moment-to-moment experience.
There are no “shoulds,” and in fact, feeling the pressure to follow someone’s voice while using a guided meditation app may take you out of the moment you’re connecting with. If there’s a thought you have while meditating, simply note the presence of it. There’s no need to erase everything from your mind.
If there’s a thought you have while meditating, simply note the presence of it. There’s no need to erase everything from your mind.
I’ve encouraged people to do a little experimentation with what works best for them, regardless of whether that’s using unguided meditations or lightly or heavily guided practices. Additionally, you may find that you’re at your most mindful when going for a walk, as you focus on the sounds, the sights and the smells, along with the pressure of the ground beneath your feet.
I struggle with getting in my head, often trying to force a presence, and in fact, I’ve found that I’m best at avoiding the tendency to plan or control things when it’s just not possible. I find I’m most mindfully aware when doing an improv exercise, as something about jumping into a scene without a safety net keeps me fully aware of my surroundings and teammates.
If this is you, great! Find the experience that can create a flow state in which you’re neither bored by the simplicity of the task nor focusing on its difficulty, but rather, operating with ease, optimal engagement and total absorption. Your practice may be dancing, singing, meditation, reading, walking, improv or anything else beyond that short list.
Learning
I value learning and growth, which is why I’m so eager to sign up for classes and creative events. Whether it’s learning a language, taking a cooking or art class, or receiving instruction on a new skill such as coding, education allows us to expand our horizons and reach new heights. The courses need not be cerebral or labour-intensive, as any course can enable us to creatively connect with the materials we use or with other people. By investing in learning, we’re really investing in ourselves.
The key here is to find something you’re interested in and care about. This shouldn’t feel forced, but instead, should feel like an enjoyable time set aside for new pursuits.
Identifying goals and values is the key
The word “care” is the phrase in question, and caring for ourselves, both psychologically and physiologically, is also an excellent way to establish a healthy self-care practice. Focusing on what we put into our bodies and how we rest, as well as the way in which we work through and process our challenges, is part of self-care. Soliciting the help of a nutritionist, a trainer, a medical professional or a mental health professional can also assist us in reaching our health and wellness goals.
The key here is to identify the goals you have, both short- and long-term, and break them up into manageable subgoals. Then, you can find helpful activities to assist you on your journey.
This is clearly not an exhaustive list of self-care practices, but it’s hopefully a jumping-off point you can use as you consider the ways you want to invest in yourself. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s OK. The most important goal is to find something that you care about engaging in (or with), since valuing the routine or ritual you choose will allow you to truly care for yourself.
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