“Maybe I’d be happier if I had… my dream job, a bigger house, true love, nicer clothes, a baby…” Sound familiar? We all want happiness, and through this search for happiness, we’re sometimes successful in obtaining these things, only to find that we’re no happier than before. I can personally attest to this tragic outcome.
A few years ago, I’d just moved into a city apartment with my fiancé. We’d been a couple for some time, but it was our first time living together. I probably should have been over the moon with joy for this big step. But instead of relishing in our new freedom, I felt more empty and caged-in than before. After doing some soul-searching, I thought I’d found the answer to my problem. I needed more; my life was not up to par, according to my standards. So after we finished school that year, we bought a house in the suburbs. My fiancé and I were very excited. We had more space to move around, we were closer to both of our families, and we now had our own house to make a home. But something still didn’t feel right. Even though I spent most of my time with him, and I had plenty of friends, I still felt lonely. So before we even moved into the house, I brought up the idea of getting a puppy. I’d been talking about having my own dog since before we’d even met, but I’d imagined it happening when I was older. “But I am older,” I justified to myself. So we got a new dog to go with our new house. We named her Cracker; she was the cutest West Highland terrier puppy I’d ever seen. But I really didn’t know what I was in for! “Westies” are a small but hearty and rambunctious breed with endless energy and a piercing warning bark. They love to dig, turning their long shiny white coat into a brown-matted mess in seconds. Needless to say, my great idea had turned into a lot of work. And the most depressing part was that even though I’d tried all these things to make myself happier, I was only more frustrated, tired and angry with myself.
I’m sure you’ve had your share of change for what you thought would be the better. Not that I regret any of the choices I had made, but by the end, I felt like screaming “Why isn’t this working?!” The reason it wasn’t working was because of my mindset. We put so much focus on the external stimuli that affect our mood and lifestyle that we forget to look at what we already have: a family, a roof over our head, food to eat, a car to drive, or any job at all (especially in this economy). Now, this was never meant to be a “count your blessings” type of speech, but rather a truth that we don’t often recognize in our fast-paced culture. Things don’t make you happy. Happiness is a byproduct of a mindset that values what we do have. It’s in this understanding and awareness that we find feelings of satisfaction. So I gave up focusing all of my energy on getting more and better things, and to my surprise, I had so much already that I’d been neglecting.
So if you’re “in pursuit of happiness,” remember that happiness does not come in packages. It comes in those special moments and the awareness that you allow yourself to have in those moments. Appreciate the time you have with your kids, your spouse, your family and your friends. Spend more time outdoors. You’ll find that if you spend less time trying to access those things you thought would make you happy, you’ll have more time to actually BE happy.
