Quote to make you smile and laugh

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. – Oliver Herford

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. – Ellen DeGeneres

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright

Never miss a good chance to shut up. – Will Rogers

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. – Robert Benchley

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? – Jerry Seinfeld 

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? – Robin Williams


Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. – Mark Twain

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. – Winston S. Churchill

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people. –  Jarod Kintz

Always borrow from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

Don’t be so humble—you are not that great. – Golda Meir

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. – Yogi Berra


I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman! – JoyBell C.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. – Oscar Levant

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. – Thomas Stephen Szasz

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. – Albert Einstein

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. – Douglas Adams

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

I love mankind … it’s people I can’t stand!! – Charles M. Schulz

Quote to make you smile and laugh

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company. – Benjamin Franklin Wade

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. – Douglas Adams

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. – Elayne Boosler

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barr

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry. – Terry Pratchett

I came from a real tough neighbourhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. – Rodney Dangerfield

image 1: Closeup of a bearded man snuggling into his pillow via Shutterstock; image 2: Retro portrait of a young man who dance via Shutterstock; image 3: Gossip colleagues in front of their office via Shutterstock; image 4: Dachshund dog sleeping on bed next to feet via Shutterstock; Photo by Tetyana Kovyrina from Pexels