Woman standing on mountain

THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS: How to befriend the observing self

Last updated: January 8th, 2020

If your mind is constantly bubbling up negative ideas and stories, then who can you trust? This concept was beautifully illustrated by author Eckhart Tolle. In The Power of Now, Tolle describes a low point in his life when he had suicidal ideas. He thought, “I cannot live with myself any longer.”

But then, in a moment of exceptional clarity, he realized that there were, in fact, two selves: his depressed self and a sense of presence, or “beingness,” observing the depressed self. This realization brought about a marked sense of peace. This observing presence is the observing self, the one that notices what you’re thinking or feeling.

The mind generates thoughts, judgments, analyses, feelings and perceptions of the five senses. The observing self can view all of these. For instance, I started meditating and held the image of myself having a migraine: “There is Stu having a migraine.” Shifting into that observer mode immediately reduced my suffering and the pain I was experiencing.

Someone in a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) group once labeled the observing self as a type of referee that looks down at what’s happening. Another woman said that when she shifts to the observing self, she carries less anger and judgment around with her when interacting with others. She also found herself keeping score in her interactions far less often, because no scoring was indicated. So shifting from keeping score to not keeping score helped her feel better.

Assessing negative thoughts


Adult man frowning

In experimental studies, individuals with depression are more likely to notice angry or sad faces than neutral or happy faces. Moreover, individuals with depression have a tendency to have difficulty recalling specific autobiographical memories, except in a general and negative way.

For example, they lump many different types of events in a “failures” category, instead of seeing the individual differences and nuances between the events. In short, depressed individuals have a tendency towards the negative.

When your observing self becomes aware of negative thoughts, you’re in a position to assess them. Here are some examples of these thoughts:

  • I should be able to solve my problems by willpower.
  • Things will end up in a catastrophe.
  • It’s terrible to show any weakness.
  • It’s horrible if I ever feel sad.
  • I’m a bad person.
  • I should never be angry with anyone.
  • I should never make mistakes.
  • He/she left me because I’m worthless.

You’ll notice that these thoughts are judgments, evaluations, opinions—not facts. They’re examples of jumping to negative conclusions and all-or-none thinking. They’re negative thoughts based on some absolute standard that is difficult to achieve.

These thoughts are strongly influenced by an inner critic. When you’re in the middle of a depressive state, it is easy to confuse such thoughts with facts. Decentring from these thoughts allows for a mindful perspective that gives you greater freedom in how you respond to these thoughts and the feelings associated with them.

Asking yourself whether what you’re thinking is a thought or a fact is a concise tool for probing some of your firmly held beliefs, and you’ll often come up with surprising assessments.

Bob had an experience when he was a teen in which a man had attempted to molest him. He had run away before any physical molestation had taken place, but he came away wondering why he had been targeted by the man. He felt ashamed, saw himself as a weakling and questioned his own masculinity. He felt miserable and convinced that he was defective in some way. He went on to have a series of difficult relationships with authority figures because he felt inadequate.

When he took an MBCT class, he began to realize that his feeling of inadequacy was really a thought that he was inadequate. He then began to challenge some of his thoughts. He recognized that his beliefs about himself weren’t necessarily true. Holding onto these beliefs kept him locked in disappointing situations. If he gave up the beliefs, he had the possibility of developing relationships that were more rewarding.

In essence, he realized that he had been operating under a delusion of inadequacy based on one traumatic episode. He eventually became able to view his incident with self-compassion and realize he had handled it as well as possible for a teenage boy.

In depression, a common belief is that you’re inadequate, worthless or deficient in some way. Which belief do you hold? I’m sure you think that belief is true, but that’s exactly what we’re here to investigate. Ask yourself what evidence you have for the belief. Then ask yourself what good reason you have for continuing to hold the belief.

The challenge here is that if you’ve been depressed for some time, you may have quite a bit of apparent evidence for your negative belief. Here is where decentring comes into play. Imagine your belief attached to a cloud passing through the sky. In this case, the sky is your consciousness. Allow the cloud to drift through your sky until it disappears. Then notice how you feel. How does it feel to be without the belief, even momentarily?

When you engage your observing self, you can view your thoughts and emotions from a distance. This can help you understand that you’re more than just someone having a specific disorder such as depression. In other words, the observing self allows for more flexibility in how you see yourself.

Characteristics of the observing self


Woman standing on mountain

The observing self has a number of names in different philosophies and religions, such as the wise mind, the essential self, the Hindu Atman or the Judeo-Christian soul.

Buddhists have another way of conceptualizing the observing self’s relationship to the mind. In Buddhism, people have six senses: feeling touches, smelling odors, seeing visions, tasting food, hearing sounds, and the thinking and feeling of the mind. For example, the mind generates thoughts, and it’s the mind’s nature to continuously do so, just as the other senses are constantly interacting with the environment.

In some ways, thoughts are like the lens through which we see the world. With mindfulness’s observing capacity, you can see thoughts emerge just like the bubbles rising to the surface of a boiling pot. You can begin to notice that a wide range of thoughts come up to the surface of the pot, and that you don’t have to latch on to one in particular, but merely observe them as they come into being and then disappear.

Taking this perspective can give you a sense of new possibilities for the interactions and relationships in your life. Paradoxically, you can begin to have some sense of control, because you’ll be able to let go of thoughts that previously held sway and direct your attention where you’d like to. You’ll be able to rewire your brain, so you don’t remain locked in old patterns.

Various forms of meditation may help illustrate the concept of an observing self. Jon Kabat-Zinn describes one meditation in which, in either a sitting or standing position, the individual takes on the bearing of a mountain. The individual imagines the seasons passing and various storms and elements of weather hitting the surface of the mountain. But the core of the mountain remains solid underneath, unfazed by what is happening on the surface.

Similarly, our observing self can be seen as our own core. It remains solid, stable and unmoving, perceiving but unaffected by the thoughts and feelings on its surface. It observes the mind’s creations from a decentred perspective. With mindfulness, we don’t deny that depression is present, but rather, we view its effects from a solid, observing perspective.

Anna Swir’s poem “Myself and My Person” beautifully illustrates the relationship between the observing self and your everyday self. She shows that even though you may have been listening to the self-critical voices of depression for a very long time, it’s possible to turn to the observing self.

Myself and My Person

There are moments
when I feel more clearly than ever
that I am in the company
of my own person.
This comforts and reassures me,
this heartens me,
just as my tridimensional body
is heartened by my own authentic shadow.

There are moments
when I really feel more clearly than ever
that I am in the company
of my own person.

I stop
at a street corner to turn left
and I wonder what would happen
if my own person walked to the right.

Until now that has not happened
but it does not settle the question.

The observing mode is about shifting from a doing mode, in which you’re trying to achieve success or a specific accomplishment, into a being mode.

Instead of trying to do or achieve something, in the being mode, you’re focused on being present in this moment and noticing whatever is there. Surprisingly, this may lead to actually accomplishing more than you would by concentrating all your efforts on achievement.

It’s very common for individuals learning mindfulness to say, “I don’t have enough time to practice mindfulness, because I have so much to do.” But mindfulness doesn’t really require more time.

For example, if you’re eating, focusing on tasting your food doesn’t require more time, although it means letting go of watching television at the same time. If you’re walking, doing so mindfully means paying attention to the process, such as noticing the sensations in your feet and legs or your surrounding environment; you’ll get there in the same amount of time.

Being mindful doesn’t require more time, but rather more attention to what is happening in the present moment.

The object of the following meditation isn’t walking a certain distance, but learning to focus on the sensations in your legs as you walk. Mindful walking, with its focus on the sensations occurring during the action, may be useful as a way to shift out of depressive ruminations.

Walking meditation is particularly useful when you’re experiencing agitation or depression. Focusing on the body parts can have a dramatic calming effect and bring a new awareness of how your lower limbs function.

Try this: Walking meditation


Footsteps in sand
  • Select a comfortable setting at home where you can walk for 15 or 20 feet without any obstructions.
  • From a standing position with feet evenly planted, begin by lifting the left foot into the air. Notice how the weight shifts to the right foot. Then, bringing the left foot down as you step forward, observe how the heel strikes the floor first and the sole of the foot progressively comes into contact with the floor.
  • Then begin to lift the right foot, noticing how the weight shifts to the left foot. Observe how the right foot leaves the floor: the right heel comes up, the right sole peels off the floor and the toes help push off.
  • Continue walking slowly. A slower pace in the beginning will help you learn to identify your sensations, although you may feel a bit of unsteadiness because you’re not used to walking slowly.
  • Close your eyes intermittently if you feel steady enough, and comfortable doing so. Notice the sensations in your feet, ankles, lower legs, knees, upper legs and hips as you walk.
  • As you’re focusing on the sensations of the lower limbs, you may find your mind wandering to other sensations or thoughts—perhaps even thinking this is a silly meditation. When you notice such thoughts, congratulate yourself for noticing, then let them go and return your focus to the limb sensations. That is the heart of mindfulness: intentionally focusing your awareness on the present moment and accepting it just as it is.
  • Continue your mindful walking for 10 to 15 minutes.

Stuart Eisendrath, MD, is the author of When Antidepressants Aren’t Enough: Harnessing the Power of Mindfulness to Alleviate Depression and the founding director of the University of California San Francisco Depression Center. Visit him online at stuarteisendrath.com.

Excerpted from the book When Antidepressants Aren’t Enough. Copyright ©2019 by Stuart Eisendrath. Printed with permission from New World Library—www.newworldlibrary.com.

antidepressants enough front cover

image 1: Pixabay; 2: Pixabay; 3: Pixabay