Mother and teenager

3 Things You Never Say to Your Teenagers

Last updated: April 1st, 2019

Some of the common stereotypes of teenagers are that they are kids who just act like adults. Kids with dyed hair, piercings, smartphone whose only worry is how they look and how popular they are. There are of course teenagers like that out there, but then again there are adults like that as well. This negative mindset towards teenagers often causes parents to say three things that get on their nerves.

First is “This doesn’t concern you.” As a small child, when you tried to butt into your parents’ conversations, they probably said something like this to you. Lots of teenagers stop this because they think it’s useless. They may be hurt that their parents don’t care about their opinion, and the teenage stage is when they will shut down because of that. But some teenagers are persistent and hopeful enough to try and input their opinion. Parents, though, may believe that their teenager is just being nosy and stubborn, and that they need to know they’re just kids who are not involved in important adult matters. It’s this mindset, and this little phrase, that will push your teenage kid away.

“What do you know?” When little kids and teenagers try to offer their opinion, this is another phrase that may be said in reaction. And, frankly, it’s worse than the first. Because kids may know that they don’t know anything, or don’t understand as much, and may not take as much offence. But teenagers know more. They may be smarter than you think. And this phrase means that their parents who say this do not think of them any differently than when they were children, and that whatever they say doesn’t matter. While the first phrase is a crack, this phrase is a break to a healthy parent-child relationship.

Teenagers go through great lengths to grow up. They’re looking forward to high school, college and looking forward to the day when they will not be kids to adults, and will be taken seriously. But when parents say things like “You’re too young,” or “You’re just a kid,” all the time to their kids, teenagers will try harder and harder to be seen as adults. Girls get make-up and high heels, boys get a sports car and shaving cream, and parents are thrown into chaos. Teenagers, just like any kids, will do things to gain attention, including bringing attention to the fact that they’re growing up, not knowing that going to such lengths to do this can show as immature and childlike. Parents need to be aware of the fact that their kids are growing up and need to guide them through this, not hold them back by always calling them “little kids” or “babies.”

So, parents, the next time your child wants to get involved, or when your teenager does something so foolish and immature, remember this: teenagers are kids, but it’s your job to get them out of that stage, to help them grow up and prepare them for the world. And don’t forget to prepare the world for them!

Read more on this topic in COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TEENAGER: How to have effective conversations»


image: A mom teaches how to fly via Shutterstock

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